the road goes on forever

and the party never ends...

D i v i e r t e n s e

of no reputation

"let this mindset be in you, which is in Jesus...who makes himself of no reputation". (Philippians)

This is such a joke. Nothing could be further from the truth in today's Body.

There's so much glamor and glitz going on these days it'll make your head spin. A vast, vast sea of Christians doing all they can to make a name for themself. Authors, pastors, evangelists, bands, writers, vocalists. So many who put on a false front of humility, yet who beneath the surface bloodlust for prestige. (And what comes with prestige and popularity? Riches, of course.)

Aren't you fed up with hearing someone who may actually have some good things to say...and yet they invariably feel they HAVE to go into plug-my-table, plug-my-website mode?

Have you noticed the swelling, puffed undertones when they miserably attempt to be demure in mentioning they "just so happen" to have a table/site to peddle their wares? Ever thought about how dainty and innocent they attempt to make all this? Ever been underwhelmed by the excuses people give to justify doing this? Ever seen right through the mask? Ever had a yellow or red flag go up inside you regarding someone that looked good, smelled good and was saying all the things that made them seem harmless and innocent?

Last year I decided to browse the website of one of the "name" Christian people. What's interesting is this person boldly states on their site that one of the things they are most vehemently and proactively opposed to is pride among today's Christian leaders.

One click away on their site is this person's bio page, which just so happens to go into grand detail about: how many thousands attend their church, how many books they have sold, how many umpteen other pastors they have taught, where all over the world this person has extensively traveled to share their message, along with tons of news-source accolades heralding this person and their church as the greatest thing since sliced bread--i.e., how influential they are, how respected they are, how big of a Movement their stuff is, and how they are quite arguably the best pastor in the land. I just went to the site (just now), and wouldn't you know everything is still right there.

I'm sorry. I can't hear what you're saying for what you're doing.


There's a couple of other things that come to mind with regard to being of no reputation.

One of them is thinking back through the years, visiting churches and seeing the lathered-on-thick manpraise going on in Christian circles. It is common in Christian arenas for people to go super-overboard in heralding how incredible and great people are.

They do this both with regard to their leader(s) and also themselves. I have visited churches who claim to be warm and loving beyond my wildest dreams...and no one said a word to me the whole time (which I didn't mind from my end, but I'm speaking of this in the context of their proclamations).

They go waaaaaayyyy too far in trying to convince me as a visitor that this person who's going to speak is really something else and I therefore should really really listen closely. It never ceases to amaze me the use of such blatant mind-bending techniques to try and convince me to pay close attention to their "great pastor", "great man of God", "man of integrity", etc.

It is not uncommon for them to also throw into the slather a laundry list of human accomplishments, which are also geared to impress me. Even if "the man" there is not renowned on a large scale, they throw in any titles and accomplishments they can to try and build credibility (so that I'll be sure and pay attention).

Some Christian groups do this by requiring their pastors obtain a doctorate degree before they are allowed to speak. Almost every pastor in these organizations must be(come) Dr. So-n-So. Have you ever noticed the unadulterated pride with which these folks make a huge prideful deal about the "Dr." in front of the name? Being a Dr. doesn't make one either good or bad. But why these circles think titles or fame make someone good or credible is a joke.

I don't give a rat's ass about laundry-list resumes and prefixes before names. I couldn't give less of a shit about someone who has great delivery or persuasion techniques.

This is because the Way is not about persuasion. I see a lot of Christianity building their entire empires and paradigms around the Way being about persuasion. It's not. This is not about persuading or convincing. (Ever stop to consider this? Look around at how much of it is going on all around us?)

The Way is not about numbers either.

Neither do I care how many publications someone has written, how many books they're selling, how sweeping their thoughts or their Movement is. None of these things, to me, indicate whether someone is of God or not. All these things are man's measuring stick, not God's.

Yet the Body is deeply deeply entrenched in these things, saying and believing these things make someone a "man of God", a "gifted teacher", a prophet or whatever other wide number of titles and attributes Christians enjoy giving themselves.

All of this is extremely frustrating to me. Adding insult to injury in this is the widespread practice of Christians giving all kinds of man-glory and pats to themselves on the back for things that aren't even remotely important to God. Things that have nothing to do with the Way. Things that have nothing to do with being Jesus.

All this gluttunous pageantry and panache going around? It is so Old Testament it's not even funny. It was OT practice for God's people to do all manner of pomp and circumstance. And from what I read, yeah, God was pretty much into that kind of thing back then.

When is Jesus ever into production, over-the-top glut or pizzazz? It is indeed awesome when he publishes the Kingdom--withered hands healed, the dead raised, the blind seeing, the condemned forgiven, demons dispelled--yet Jesus does these things without showmanship, without revelry, without making a big whoop-tee-doo. Jesus purposely averts any attempts to be prestigious. His name is spread abroad, but this does not take place via self-promotion.

He brings some amazing things of God to mankind, yet does so with no flare, no self-promotion, no overt efforts to make a name for himself. Sure, we read of large crowds surging in, yet this is their doing, not his. Rather, of Jesus we read that he frequently goes off to lonely places to be alone. We read of times where the crowds search for him, other times where they want to give him all kinds of accolades, and he is either nowhere to be found, censors them to be quiet (and not reveal Who he is) or gets the heck out of there so the crowning doesn't take place.

This is not the spirit of the body of Jesus today. Not even close. I see a helluva lot of crowning going on today among Christians. It's deeply ingrained in Christian culture.

I don't buy the tippy-toeing around our grounding. Our grounding to be the same as Jesus, who makes himself of no reputation.

There's a lot of evil continually being bred by this grounding being blatantly ignored and excused away.

It's cool to see Father beginning to chink holes in this unaberrated and widespread haughtiness. It makes a lot of folks wince, cause God doing this puts a dent in the "we're pristine, we're aligned with God" front the Body tries to portray about itself.

It's interesting to see the damage-control mode the Body goes into when God authors the ass-kicking. Straighten the tie, straighten the hair, clear the throat. Then put on that fake smile Christians are so famous for. Oh, and be sure to lay all kinds of blame on "the enemy" and whine about being persecuted.

Unbelievable. God is trying to plug some holes in the ship, cause there's a helluva lot of them, and Christians talk as though this going on is anything but God.

God would rather light people's ass up than have them continue on as they are.

Do it more, Father.

today

is the 23rd.

milk, cookies, home runs and Monopoly

It's really sad to note the attitudes and paradigms through which Christianity portrays life. If I were to take Christianity at its word, I should rightfully expect my life to take on surreal successes of unfathomable proportions.

The widespread message today is that God is this loving, compassionate Guy, and all He thinks about is being sweet to me and giving me milk and cookies. Accordingly, I can expect to see gluttonous excesses become the norm in my life. Tell me you likewise have not heard (and perhaps even bought into) this message.

It seems the core premise of this is: if you will come to God then He will love you, and the evidence of Him loving you will be continual, drop-your-jaw, miraculous success and favor in human circumstances.

This is a really slick, ear-tickling sell. It's preposterous, yet the zeal and blindness with which millions of people cling to this false reality is stunning.

If I were to believe the magnitude with which this message is preached to me, I have every right to expect that every time my kid swings a baseball bat they are going to hit a home run. If I become a Follower, I have every right to think that every time my kid touches a soccer ball with their foot the ball is going to go into the goal.

Would you look around at the messages you see the voices of Christianity vocalizing today, and tell me if you likewise do not see this as the case?

As my merry life rolls along, why, because I am a "child of God" He wants me to go directly to Go and collect $200. I will own Broadway and Park Place, and it will be "God's will" that everybody land on my properties and my cupboard will overflow with insane abundance.

If I take the outlandish claims of churches at face value, you would think by the way they talk that the business I own will skyrocket upward, or if I am an employee that every customer or project I'm involved with will become the benchmark pinnacle around which all other business of the company will forever be compared to.

This is a really slick ploy.

It's a really cunning way to try and get people to come to God. These people are promising people that if they will come to Him that in turn they can expect their life to become the equivalent of winning the lottery. You'll have money. You'll be able to do all kinds of things. You'll have relationships beyond your wildest dreams. You'll be on the right side of the tracks. And, of course, this is what God wants for you because...HE LOVES YOU. What's really sad about this is the mind-blowing arrogance with which Christians hold unswervingly to this premise.

The day you realize God's love does not hinge upon favorable human circumstances will be a great day for you, friend.

The day you quit letting the Church inject its "God just wants to be nice to you" Kool Aid into your veins will be an even better day than that. And the day you're totally detoxed from this Kool Aid will be an even better day than that.

This goochy-goo message is not anywhere in the words of Jesus, and I'm really sorry you have been sold this snake oil. I'm even sorrier if you are selling it to others.

In spite of this, there are a few droplets of water trickling into this paradigm wasteland. God is beginning to chink holes in this Hoover Dam of Christianity. He's authoring things that are dismantling these coddling mindsets.

If you got into Christianity, or are associated with it now, on the foundational premise you just want God to be nice to you, do Him and us a favor and leave. Seriously. If you think this whole thing revolves around God answering your prayers, go do something else. You are shitting on Jesus' blood, infecting it and contaminating it with me-on-the-throne, tail-wags-the-dog self indulgence. Even worse, you're misrepresenting the Way.

So please, just leave. And take your milk, cookies and Monopoly game pieces with you.

ambitions of today's Body

In some follow-up thoughts to the last post, this came to mind: what is it those in the Body are aspiring to? In other words, when someone embraces God, what happens? What actually takes place in the life of someone who embraces God?

From what I can see in looking around (and let me know if you see different in your looking around) there are two pinnacle ends of Christianity: blessing (victory) and experiencing God (aka, entering/being-in God's presence).

These observations stem from billboards, marquees, radio and tv, websites, message boards, email, circulars, postings and overhearing Christians who purport to be "in" with God. If I know nothing about God I hone this view by observing the things people who allege to know Him do and say. How are these people living? What are they indicating is going on as a result of their (allegedly) being acquainted with Him?

And here is where something is horribly, horribly disastrous with Christianity.

The fact that almost the entire body of Jesus lives, prays, expects, hopes, speaks and reasons as though blessing and presence are the goal of the Way is spawning all kinds of hell. This contributes to the root of extreme haughtiness so common among Christians, who think their "favor" with God translates into nonstop goodies and entitlement.

It's a staple in the superficiality and callousness of the hearts of people who ironically claim to be warm, caring and loving. It's a factor in the severely warped view of Positive Christians, who live every breath of life erroneously thinking that God only wants good things to happen to people. (And that life consists solely of "finding the good [positive] in everything". What a warped perception of reality on this planet.)

It's a contributor to the spending of multi, multi, multi millions of dollars every year on things that God doesn't give a rat's ass about. And I think this could quite possibly be the saddest thing of all. People who allege to know what is important to God putting all kinds of over-the-top, gluttonous emphasis on things that aren't important to Him.

Jesus minces no words about people who purport to know God who are in actuality (and in Jesus' own words) "double sons of hell". Why don't we give more thought to Jesus bluntly saying that shrewd businessmen and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of those who perceive they are intimate with God?

I've got a friend who talks off and on about God yet is a huge critic and skeptic (and justifiably so) of Christianity. He put it really well recently when he said "These Christians actually think that God has nothing better to do than sit around thinking about how He can do things for them." I replied, "I know. Exactly." This friend, who has a casual knowledge of God, has a better understanding of Him than most Christians I come across.

The blessing/presence obsession is such an ear-tickling message. It gives Christians something to do to be busy, instead of being about doing the things Jesus says are the Way.

It's also an extremely self-absorbed paradigm. All these Christians wanting to do nothing but recline in their lazy chairs obsessing over how much God loves them. All the time.

I've lost count of how many times I've heard people say things like "Human beings are wired for worship", talking about how "awesome worship is" (in their church, their car, etc). Amidst this Feel-Good Gospel and P&W stuff, have you ever stopped to notice how many times Jesus talks about worship?

Jesus mentions worship twice. That's it.

You wouldn't think this is so in observing today's Body. There are many people, churches, entire movements that are ALL about worship. A lot of churches spend more than 50% of their time doing p&w.

Have you seen the t-shirt "It's all about worship"? I just did a Google search and apparently there is a song called "It's All in the Worship". I also found this little gem on a website last year: "Worship is at the center of this great spiritual war. It has always been over worship, fought with worship and will be won through worship."

Um, not really. Not according to Jesus.

I've lost count of the number of Music Ministers, pastors and everyday Christians who embrace the idea that we can (and should) "praise our way" out of troubles. This is such a ludicrous, retarded and shallow perception of life. Yet these same people are befuddled about the vastly increasing animosity toward Christianity.

Another classic example of people yakking their yak on God's behalf. An ear-tickling excuse for Christians to get lathered up and spend an exorbitant amount of time in self-absorbed pursuits instead of being about the things Jesus says to do. No wonder the bruised are leaving churches in record numbers.

Have you ever taken a look around at folks during p&w? The most common thing I see is people looking like they're in pain. When I see folks doing this I think "They're either in a lot of pain or they're constipated and trying really hard to pinch a loaf, right here instead of going to the bathroom".

If worship is such this great and heralded thing, why the looks of agony and constipation? If Jesus is indeed Emmanuel ("God inside"), then why do Christians talk about "entering God's presence"? If He's already within me, why the huge emphasis to go to a brick & mortar building to "experience God"?

A part of this is the Church's lemminghood in imitating society. Christianity is more about entertainment than it is the gospel. It has warmly embraced its own version of pop culture, complete with hierarchy, status, big names, who's hot, fads, "in" language, cliques, etc.

The Body is definitely into name-dropping and rock star-type icons (in music, authors, media personalities). Christian authors going on book tours, charging people to hear them speak and charging money to read their books.

If someone is given a morsel of God, why do they charge money to convey this message to others whose life might ripen in some way from hearing it? If someone is allowed to see a chamber of God's heart which is hidden to most, why demand money to gain access to this? Interesting how God gave them the nugget at no charge and yet they in turn charge money for others to hear it.

Another thing that some of these folks do is self-promote themselves as gifted, prophetic, great teachers, etc. I think this is just pious as pious can be. Don't tell me how gifted you are. Just show up, and after hearing what you have to say I'll assess whether you're gifted, prophetic or otherwise.

I have a serious aversion to this name-dropping and man-promotion stuff. Whenever I come across anything good about God I simply say "I heard xyz", "I read abc" or "a friend of mine said jkl".

I don't mention names because imo what is important is what's said, not the person who says it. This foraging that we're doing among us and with God is not writing research papers in high school. Why not just talk about the savory things of God without all this source-citing and name-dropping? Why are Christians so fixated on mentioning how educated and well-read we are?

I personally don't see the need for any of this. I enjoy anonymity, and only refer to things I come across as "I heard x". I have no interest in participating in or contributing to the vast swelling of self-promotion. What's fundamentally important is not grandstanding. What is important is simply the message. A message that should not cost anything and should not be continually tainted with piss-stains of self-promotion.

There are a lot of prisoners, captives, broken and bruised all around us. Why don't we stop promoting ourselves and just concentrate on being good to them?

acquirement and possession

I'm not one given to exaggeration, just simply making observations, be they large or small.

I mention this to preface the use of the word "everywhere" in the following few sentences. I'm more given to use words such as rampant, epidemic, widespread. In this case, from what I can see, everywhere is more appropriate...and not an exaggeration.

Everywhere (yes, everywhere) the only thing being seen is the Body of Christ rabidly fanatical in the pursuit to obtain, acquire and hold onto things.

What is it that people and just as much Christians are in such a tizzy to acquire and hold onto? Relationships, possessions, status, position, image, lifestyle, esteem, money, achievement, knowledge, health, progress, recognition, control.

Pulpits and people are all about increase, and blessing, and victory, and blessing, and overcoming, and blessing, and SUVs, and blessing, and a good paying job, and blessing, and family, and blessing, and bliss and happiness, and promotion and upward mobility and advancement. And, of course, the illusion of having and exercising power and influence (boy, is that ever its own post).

Seriously. Take a look around. Note if the topics, discussions and branding within the Body do not revolve around acquirement. See if the messages and discussions in the Church aren't centrally about obtaining and having. Even the "new" Movements of the past few years, which claim to be so different, center around garnering and attaining.

What's amazing to me is that Jesus' message is the opposite of what people who allegedly represent him are into, whether it's old guard or these newer Movements.

Jesus' message is about letting go, not acquiring.
He talks about losing, not getting and holding onto.
He talks about serving, not entitlement.
His invitation is to die, not accumulate.

The last two years for me have been circumstantially the worst of my life. By such a vast margin you can't even imagine.

Guess what preceded this circumstantial wasteland? It was telling Father, "I want to be part of what You are doing. I want to be on Your page, not on my page--pretending and projecting to others it's Yours, when it's really mine."

In other words, I told God I wanted to be part of Christianity penned by Him, rather than what is being preached and marketed by Christianity. When I talked with Father about getting on His page, He responded by asking me to give up the most cherished thing in my life.

This is nowhere to be seen in the message being spoken in the Body today.

My life since that point could not be more opposite from what both pulpit and alleged Christians are saying life as a Follower is to look like. It is excruciating, difficult and demoralizing. And that's putting it mildly. So, what then? Is God deaf? Is He disinterested when someone says they want to be part of His way? Or could it be that He heard me loud and clear, and my life is His ongoing reply?

It's heading toward three years since that conversation. A year after telling Father this a second fork in the road came, and I was presented the option to return to my former life. As I walked out of another office that year later, I walked through the building and noticed the marble floor beneath my feet (clean enough to eat off of) and the brilliantly shining brass handrails of the 4-story atrium. I was absorbing that environment, pondering the executive job I had just been offered.

There was no enthusiasm, no appeal, no nothing in my heart. Had there been I would have taken the position and gotten back into that life. As I got into the elevator with its polished cherrywood walls and immaculate marble, I simply told Father aloud, "I just want You." The position, the prestige, the expense account, the company car, going back to wining and dining high-ranking people, didn't weigh anything down inside me. The men I had just met with had extended an offer. I in turn extended God one, because that was what was in my core.

That second fork in the road was a year and a half ago. Guess what? Things circumstantially haven't become "better", as every Christian I know has asked and prayed. Things have nosedived even further, and no this is not exaggeration. I have been further shredded, further torn, made much much poorer in a lot of ways.

Again, is God deaf? not listening?

By the looks on people's faces, Christians particularly, I would be inclined to think so. But I know better. I wish others knew better too, but the gaping jaws and looks of horror indicate otherwise. I see in these folks a huge disconnect going on due to the BlessFest Kool Aid coursing through their veins--the belief to entitlement that is thought to be the Way. A God who is a cordial old man whose sole desire is to do nothing but pass out balloons and dollar bills at this quaint little parade called life.

I look at the New Testament portion of the bible and it is clear: God has heard me. He has heard me. All this whirlwind of loss going on? It's the birthmark of God. When I look at Jesus' words and the new testament, there is no message of entitlement. The Body is saturated with all this talk of blessing, but Jesus isn't. The New Testament isn't.

Got a question for you. Amidst all this rampant blessing jabber, have you ever stopped to look at how many times Jesus talks about blessing? In the very rare occasions when Jesus DOES talk about blessing, have you taken note of the context in which he talks about it?

I see Jesus talking about blessing in the following: "you're blessed when your spirit is broken", "you're blessed when you're hungry" (this is not just our tummy), "you're blessed when you are wrongfully accused", "you're blessed when you are reviled", "you're blessed when you are poor" (this is not just our bank accounts).

When Jesus talks about blessing, He says blessing takes place in the middle of being circumstantially ripped. Blessing is in the midst of a circumstantial ground zero. Blessing is in the midst of poverty, brokenness.

How can this be? Seriously, stop for a minute here. How can this that Jesus says be?

This is the radical polar opposite of what the Body says blessing is. The Body's interpretation of blessing has to do with how positive and saturated things are in our lives.

Um, why is there not more questioning of this? Why is the Body trumpeting a message so diametrically contrary to the core message of the Way?

The message in the Body is also that it is of God that we forever have, possess and keep anything which has crossed our path in life. Anytime anything is torn (or begins to be torn) out of our lives, this is automatically and mindlessly stamped as of God's enemy, the evil one.

I look around and see so many Christians zealously delusioned that followers of Jesus have some birthright to entitlement. This nonsense is so Old Testament and so contrary to Jesus' message it's not even funny.

Some of this belief is quite overt (24/7 "victory" in anything you touch because you "call upon God", etc). Some of it is very subtle, very slick--yet the current Movements have the same BlessFest message at the core.

The core premise is "if you'll do abc then God will smile on you--and the mark of Him smiling on you is you will have an abundance of earthly possessions and things going oustandingly well: relationships, family, job, income, etc".

In this line of thought, the mark of belonging to God is how closely your life mirrors the American Dream. Yep, ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL God thinks about is how He can inundate us and give us a slice, er, the BEST slice of the American Dream.

One question that comes to my mind about all this is: since when is it that the tail wags the dog?

How is it that the message is "God serves us", instead of the other way around? What is this I'm/we're-on-the-throne-and-God-is-at-my/our-beckon-call stuff?

How is it that Jesus talks about greatness in God's eyes coming through losing what means the most to us, and yet as a Christian I am to measure myself (and am measured by Christians) by how much I have and am not losing?

How is it that many Christians will themselves denounce the media preachers and say "that's not the Way, all that Prosperity stuff", and yet the majority of Christian lives and messages (including the current Movements) reflect this acquirement mantra?

I don't see us in the Body, either collectively or individually, saying about Jesus "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30). I only see people, Christians, putting things in motion to bring about as much increase as possible for themselves and for others.

Look around. There's a lotttttttttttttttttt of cherry-picking of verses (just like the media preachers) to justify the pursuit and possession of things. And yes, this is happening not only in brick & mortars but also in small groups, men's groups, women's groups, house churches, everywhere.

I see Jesus talking, in general and specifically to me, about losing life. I see Christians discussing and promising, in general and specifically to me, about how much I can have. How much I should have. How much I am entitled to have, because...I am a Follower.

I hope you lose your life, you who are reading this. I hope God sets in motion for you to lose whatever it is you hold closest to your heart. I hope this because agonizing loss puts us on the path to knowing God. Not on a superficial level (which is where the Body resides), but on a deeper level.

Acquiring and attainment does not put us on this path.

Yes, the loss will be circumstantially rotten. Yes, your soul will be ripped bare. Yes, you will taste searing pain like you never imagined could exist.

In today's Christianity this kind of talk might seem coarse and "insensitive". So be it. Do you ambition to be a Follower who does nothing but suck God's nipples until the day you die?

If you want Him to baby you, guess what? He will. If you want Him to just change diapers and be sweet-old-man-God who does nothing but smiles at you and gives you lollipops, He'll be that to you for the rest of your life. He's got a very long wick of patience toward arrested development.

However, if you have ever desired or prayed to grow, to become more than a baby (or even great) in God's eyes, if you have ever (to borrow popular terms today) wanted to "have an impact" or "be effective" or "have purpose" or "advance the Kingdom" or "be a light" as a follower of Jesus, and if you have the guts to tell Father you want it His way instead of desiring what the Church is telling and selling you, Father's doing in reply to your desire/prayer will be to hand you a cup of gall to drink.

This is interwoven all throughout Jesus' message, in black and white, clear as day. It sounds foreign because most don't dare to do more than read and meditate on the cherry-picked wonderfulness verses.

You'll never hear this in churches because they have sizable mortgages and can't afford to say this. It would be too detrimental to attendance. The "gospel" message in churches is that following Jesus is nodding our head to His philosophy and as a result Father will open up the floodgates of heaven and make our life incredible beyond our wildest dreams in every regard.

Jesus' invitation, rather, is for us to experience His experience and taste what He tastes. If we would respond to His invitation, which is not the one the Church extends us, got news for ya--it ain't chocolate cake. (If you're looking for that type of invitation and life, go to a church.)

If we would in fact respond to Jesus' invitation, it will be simultaneously the most painful, most difficult and yet best thing that could ever happen to us.

Let us not run from pain and gall. There is no possibility of compassion being birthed within us, nor can we mature, without these taking their course.

And let us not be delusioned by the Church's message--that the Way is about bankrolling assets instead of tangibly tasting Jesus.

at the core

At the core of the ire within is the dumbfounding, stark shallowness epidemically plaguing the Body.

have you pondered

that in the prodigal son story the father is displeased with the son who lives by the book, does everything allegedly "right", goes to church every time the doors are open, votes for justifiably-endorsed candidates, drinks only certain beverages, wears allegedly acceptable clothing, embraces (and scorns) everything a decent person "should", surmises he is aligned with his father's view toward things?

And so I wonder why there is such a glut of churches who teach, herald and embrace "right" living. Why so many say that living by the book and staying between the lines equates to favor in Father's eyes...and "righteousness".

This helps me digest why I find myself shunning that type of life, and why I am more and more embracing and savoring the unrefined, unpolished, unprofessional, unbecoming, raw, dirty, suspicious, scorned and scandalous people and things around me.

They are beautiful.

And no wonder when people scorn the unrefined, unbecoming, raw, dirty, suspicious, scandalous things about me.

Pharisees are a dime a dozen.

I don't need any dimes.


"If then you have died in Jesus to material ways of looking at things and have escaped from the world's crude and elemental notions and teachings of externalism, why do you live as if you still belong to the world? [Why do you submit to rules and regulations?--such as] do not handle [this], do not taste [that], do not even touch [them], referring to things all of which perish with being used.

To do this is to follow human precepts and doctrines. Such [practices] have indeed the outward appearance [that popularly passes] for wisdom, in promoting self-imposed rigor of devotion and delight in self-humiliation and severity of discipline of the body, but they are of no value in checking the indulgence of the flesh (the lower nature). [Instead, they do not honor God but serve only to indulge the flesh.]" (Colossians excerpt)

Let the dogs bark...the caravan is moving on.

musing last week

Was sitting around doing God knows what last week when out of nowhere this comes to mind..."faith hinges on uncertainty".

It's interesting, then, why the Body is so obsessed with proclaiming so many "certainties" about God, Jesus, salvation, etc...

Positive Encouragement "Prophets"

The Body in the recent era has created a vast army of what I term Positive Encouragement "Prophets". Yes, "prophets" is in parentheses because these folks are sadly and disastrously self-appointed "messengers of God".

There is no dipping from the same ladle as God when engaging others. Rather, these are self-driven and radicaly obsessed with the concept that they can "make the world a better place" (or you'll hear said, "advance the Kingdom" and "be an encouragement") by employing PMA tactics emulated from motivational speakers, corporate 'life coaches', etc.

But wait! It's very, very slick what these folks are doing. They have a huge cavalcade of bible verses which they have at the ready to justify the self-inebriated quest.


Several weeks ago I was in a church. During some announcement stuff the pastor says:

"As some of you may know, Tom and Suzanne Jones are leaving us. It's always hard to say goodbye to people. Many of you have seen Suzanne with the children here, how she works with them and is such a blessing to them. Well, Tom and Suzanne are expecting their first child. We know that as they leave that God is going to bless them, that things are going to go well and they're going to have a healthy baby. They have also promised that they will come back here to have the baby baptized."

As I heard this, I couldn't believe my ears (but knowing the Body today, I really could). When the man spoke this "prophecy", my thought was "what the hell do you know is going to happen? You don't know how the pregnancy is going to go. You don't know what is going to take place."

It was such a classic example of Christians today. They think that by "speaking positive" that they can somehow influence life and what is going to happen in this world, in people's lives (particularly Christians).

The sad thing is that there is no shortage of bible verses people cherry-pick to embrace (and defend) this ridiculous, not-of-God paradigm.

So fast-forward two weeks. I went back to that same place, and lo and behold the same pastor says:

"You may remember that two weeks ago we said goodbye to Tom and Suzanne. I got a phone call this past week. There was a complication and Suzanne was rushed in for an emergency C-section. The baby was born premature, three months early. It only weighs three and a half pounds. They don't know what is going to happen, and they're literally hanging on a thread moment by moment."

There you go, folks. The Body of Christ slinging this "positive confession" and encouragement-based "prophecy" bullshit left and right--justifying doing so with their army of bible verses and their delusions they are "called" and "supposed" (by biblical decree) to babble positive/encouragement nonsense God-speak every time they open their mouth.


I was privy to a couple of Christians conversing recently. One of them was talking about some waves of hardship they are currently enduring. The other person looks at them and says "I can't wait to see what God does next in your life".

I didn't say anything, but my thought silently was "what do you know about what's next in their life? What if the next chapter in their life is even more severe trial than now? What if this is the 3rd stage in a 5-stage storm? What if this is the lead squall in a hurricane God is penning for them, and they aren't even close to the severest winds in this yet?"

Person B had no business speaking Person A's future like that. They don't know what God is scripting in/for them. But what did they do? They spoke of A's future as if they knew it was going to be good, great, awesome, warm-fuzzy...


I was at another place a couple of weeks ago. I happened to be in the company of a group of people who know some of the more intimate details of what has been going on in my life. It's a very tough season, a long one, with some recent spikes of hardship, and everyone present knew and knows this.

I kid you not, one person comes up to greet me when they first arrived, hugs me, and as they are hugging me asks "Are things going good for you?"

I could not believe this (well, yes I can). I replied to this person honestly, "No." They then had the gall to say with a positive, chirpy tone, "Well, I hope that will change soon", as though they know something I don't...that God is waiting just around the corner to bless my little socks off.

That so fucking pissed me off. I didn't say anything in reply, but inside I thought "What do you know is going to happen soon in my life? You don't know what is going to happen. You have no idea. What if I'm two years into a 40-year desert?"

(Contrast this with someone else there who asked me "so how are you?", to which I replied "not good" and they replied "well, at least you're honest". They were neutral, and did not attempt to speak any Positive Encouragement Prophecy my way.)

I used to give people a pretty long rope of patience when they would babble nonsense. Nonsense from their own mouths, not from God. I'm pretty much done with giving people the benefit of the doubt with their well-meaning "prophetic" stuff.

Makes me think of Jesus telling us straight up: "Many will come to Me on that day, saying 'Lord, didn't we speak prophecies and drive out demons and do many mighty works in Your name?' I will turn and solemnly say to them, 'I never knew you. Depart from Me, you who act wickedly."

It sucks being on the business end of this wickedness.

That couple sat in that place a few weeks back, hearing a representative of God speak "prophetically" about how blessed they were going to be in life and how God was going to bless their pregnancy and their baby.

Now what? Now what do you have to say, representative of God? You talked out of your fucking ass, and now what? You gonna eat some humble pie and own up to slathering that nonsense? Are you rather going to try and smooth over it by talking about how God "works in mysterious ways" or some similar bullshit?


I was at the zoo this summer with my daughter. We were at the playground area they have there. It's a pretty big area, with a huge wooden fort in the middle. I was sitting on one side of the playground, and she had run off to play with some newfound friends on the other side.

It was hot that day, and after awhile I took the water jug I'd brought and went to find her on the other side of the playground. As I reached the other side of the playground equipment, I saw my daughter in the shade at a picnic table with some other kids and two ladies.

When I walked up one of the ladies walks up to me and says "your daughter told us about the divorce, and we just wanted you to know we're praying for you".

"Oh boy", I thought.

I had a few more thoughts:

(1) "Why?"

(2) "What does 'we're praying for you' mean?"

(3) "Well why don't you go ahead and pray now, cause I'm curious to know what kind of prayer you would pray. No, hold that, I already know. You would pray for God to 'bless' us. As in 'God, please be ooey gooey to them, because You're such a nice God'."

I said none of these things to the lady.

But wait, it didn't end there. As soon as the first lady said that nonsense the second lady was right on her heels, calling out to my daughter "We're praying you have a really good summer." My thought was, "what the hell does 'pray you have a good summer' mean?"

I was hoping that would be the last we'd see of these ladies (I couldn't get away from their Christian psychobabble quick enough), however they mentioned to their kids they were going to go see the snake exhibit before they left the zoo. Their saying that prodded my daughter to ask if we could go to the snake exhibit too. I said we could (we weren't in a rush, and she'd enjoyed playing with those kids).

I didn't think the b.s. from these ladies was over, and I was on the mark. As we walked toward the snake exhibit I was walking almost alongside one of the two women. Out of nowhere she says to me "I told your daughter the divorce was not her fault."

I could not believe my ears. What the fuck does she know about my daughter's situation? Not a God damn thing. And she, thinking she's being an "encourager", goes spouting off some utter bullshit in my daughter's ear about what's gone on in my daughter's life?

My daughter has NEVER once, ever, had any inkling, thought or expression whatsoever of divorce being "her fault". How she lives and is enduring the situation has never included any reference to "fault" or its bed-partner, guilt.

So, this "well-meaning" self-appointed Christian woman does nothing in the situation except plant seeds of guilt in my daughter by bringing up the concept of fault and guilt surrounding the divorce as pertains to her.

Great. Thank you so much.

You wonderful child of God.


That's the Body of Christ we live in today, folks. Ain't it great? A sea of inebriated "prophets" who scurry about to and fro blabbling nonsense in the name of God, thinking they're a great service to humanity and doing God's bidding. And never in the least checking their life, their paradigm, their modus operandi with the Holy Spirit.

It is not rocket science. It is not difficult in the least. It is simply a matter of listening to God. He says openly that He "gives His wisdom liberally to those who ask".

Hmm. This means people aren't asking, 'cause He gives liberally when asked...

It's also reflective of people not walking in step with the Holy Spirit. Jesus very plainly tells us, "the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, He will teach you."

Elsewhere Jesus says (about the Holy Spirit) "He will guide you".

My question is, "Where are the people who are being taught and are being guided?" They sure as hell aren't the Christians I tend to be coming across. Why is it that followers of Jesus...aren't following?

We're also reminded "those who are led by the Spirit are the sons of God".

So, among the hordes of people filling the pews and on the airwaves and publishing all the books and doing all the 'life changing weekends', um, where are the sons of God?

This Spiritless, Godless self-inebriation has got to stop. It has bred, and is continuing to breed, a Body of unrelatable, calloused assholes.

Don't let the call-on-the-carpet of callousness be sloughed off as "persecution". It's not persecution. It's the world and the bruised trying to communicate to the Body that It is sick. Off-track. Shallow. Without heart. Not plugged into the One who is said to be plugged into.

The world and the bruised say: You can talk Jesus 'til you're blue in the fucking face...your heartlessness and callousness trump all.


Hope is not optimism. And optimism is not hope.

When is this going to seep in?

bring them

Continue to bring these daggers, Slayer of my soul.

I welcome them. I asked You for them.

I asked this weekend if You would please kill me quickly.

Now, two perilous wounds in two days.

You are hearing me.

Please finish me off quickly, if You will.

a recommendation

I would recommend to anyone reading this that you not ever get carjacked at gunpoint in your driveway.

It can upset your five year-old child, should you have them with you when this happens, especially when there is a gunshot fired as you run away.

Afterward my daughter was saying things such as "my carseat.." and "my panda bear doll..." in lamenting what for her might be lost. Interesting the kinds of things that are her world that she was talking about afterward.

I don't know if she ever saw the revolver or not during it all. I honestly don't think she did.

She definitely heard the gunshot's pop, and screamed, but I honestly think it was just generically at a loud noise as I whisked her away. She definitely knew something was way awry, yet I think the worst of it she did not see.

Love grows thin

when God does not script according to the American Dream.

Love grows thin when God does not author according to mankind's notions of how and when they perceive God ought to.


I wonder how many people were telling Jesus things like "things will get better for you", "focus on the positive", "God is going to bless you", etc when He was on the tree dying.

So many have no clue they are worse than Job's friends...

nothing in the tank

hello friends,

Just wanted to let you know Father is scripting a death right now and it's all I seem to be able to think about. It's rather gruesome, at least from my view, and very very painful.

My only hope is there is a rebirth coming after this death. But for now all that consumes me is the pain of this death, which must come first.

A good friend some time back reminded me that trees are barren in winter. There is no fruit, no expectation of it, and that is how things are.

I am barren now. Have been for a long time.

This has led to a clash: on one hand the desire to pen things ebbing and brewing inside in the midst of this, on the other hand the desire to pull all the way back, retreat to the furthest recesses and die this death quietly and privately.

My heart is it's time to cave it completely until this is over.

I have long desired this season to be over.

I absolutely fucking hate it. Every day is a piercing to the marrow. Every day are multiple bludgeonings. Fists of circumstances which never seem to tire from pummeling. They're laser locked on my nose, and boy are they accurate. And fierce.

I'm tired.

I'm bruised, and I'm hurting. And I just feel like going off alone to face the rest of this, the end of this, however long.

Maybe I'm two and a half years into a forty year wilderness of desolation. So be it. Maybe it's twenty-three years.

And what should I read last week except "for Your sake we are put to death all the day long; we are regarded and counted as sheep for the slaughter".

This is difficult to digest. It's even more difficult to face and to live.

Yet it's not the end of the story.

I don't know when the next chapter will come about.

I only know that this current slaughter has become almost unbearable. It's not unbearable, but sure seems to teeter on the brink.

Kill me quickly, Father, if You will. Please hold me while I bleed. Please hold me until it sleeps.

the shirt

About a year and a half ago my daughter and I were running around somewhere. I don't remember where it was, only that it was out in public.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she sneezed one of those monster explosion sneezes where it just plain goes everywhere.

Sneezing is no big deal for kids, but when you're a kid and have one of those explosive kind, where stuff is literally everywhere and an absolute mess, it can be rather traumatic. You're covered in all kinds of gunk. You feel dirty. Ugly. Helpless. All you can think about is this ick all around and on you.

I heard the sneeze, and noted that it sounded a tad different from normal sneezes. Just as I decided to peer down to see what was going on I heard it. My daughter had already begun to wail about the nasty, helpless situation she was in. It wasn't overwhelming to me, but to her it was more than she could bear. She was paralyzed in yuck.

She desired to be clean, to be free from the discharge that had crept up and out unexpectedly.

She cried out for her Daddy, who was right there with her, to help. Passionate in the heart, if at all possible, to be a good father.

There I stood beside her, empty handed.

I didn't even pause at what to do. Immediately I pulled my shirt tail out to lengthen it, then reached to her face. I simultaneously spoke softly to her, letting her know I was right there and it would be okay.

Daddy's voice has a way of calming her when things are chaotic, painful, dirty, lost, broken, paralyzing, numbing.

Cleaning the mess with the shirt and also talking softly to her dissipated the horror of the moment for her. Now, of course it wasn't the worst of events, but to her it was...and that is what mattered.

So we were standing in the aftermath, my shirt now a mess when something flashed to mind.

I don't know whether I did it to be a funny Daddy or to reinforce to her that cleaning her mess was more important to the condition of my shirt--maybe it was some of both--but I pulled my shirt out, stared at the mess, and in a funny tone and a comical look on my face said "Bleh!!! Ehhh!! Look at my shirt."

My daughter stared at me with a grin and began to howl in laughter. I kept on with tongue-in-cheek eww stuff a little longer, then began to laugh with her.

In a flash things became a total mess. Daddy was right there, and used an unorthodox thing to dispel the trauma and the dirtiness. Then afterward made it clear that there was no disgrace in him having gotten dirtied on her behalf. It pleased him to do what he did, and in making sure she knew this she ended up with a smile on her face.

Some time after this we were at a public restroom at a convenience store. After my daughter went she washed her hands. Upon finishing at the sink she looked around and there was neither a paper towel nor a dryer. I extended my shirt, she dried her hands, and again I did the tongue-in-cheek "hey look at my shirt" funny stuff with her. We shared the same light heartedness and giggles as before.

Whenever I'm with her and she has a yucky sneeze, there's no hesitation. She knows Daddy's shirt is always available to her for messes. It is gladly offered, without reservation. Without repercussion.

There is no sense at all of "I'm messing up Daddy's shirt" or "I made a mess". No, rather it is simply instilled in her that when a mess comes about Daddy is right there, passionate, and unconditionally offers of himself to help her. Gladly, joyfully he gives of himself for her--in a way that brings calm, and a smile to both faces.

Ever since these moments, when we find ourself Kleenex-less or paper towel-less, my daughter gets a devilish grin on her face and comes at me--nose dripping or hands wringing. It's something Daddy's heart never tires of.

What's interesting is she goes for Daddy's shirt even when there are paper towels available. She much prefers Daddy's continous offer to other alternatives which would do just as well.

Maybe it's because she wants to laugh. Maybe it's because she wants to see Daddy do his silly tongue-in-cheek routine. Maybe she loves that Daddy helps her without reservation, whether it's something serious or not.

It doesn't really matter what it is, whether any of these or something else. I do know one other thing. There are times when we do have situations come up that are messy and she cries. Sometimes I don't know what to say as I hold her and she cries. Some situations are just yuck, and I'm at a loss to really know what to do.

Whenever the situation is stuck and I have no idea what to say it is awkward. Sometimes situations are just ugly, and to attempt to put some type of pretty bow on it is not only cheap but also bad.

Whenever this happens, and we're sitting there in the awkward white noise with no segue, a lightbulb will go off and my daughter will suddenly lift her head up and proceed to wipe the snottyness from her crying onto my shirt.

Whether it's jovial or serious is okay with Daddy. The thing is she knows Daddy welcomes her regardless of what is going on. Trauma or teasing she is always welcome to Daddy's shirt without condition.

etcetera

random thoughts of late...

I've got that thing going as happened recently, many thoughts and no synthesis.

•••••

Some things need to die.

I was asked recently to pray for something to live that needs to die.

I have been praying for death. Why people think God is only into and about life is a mystery.

Do we not realize that the foundation of the Way centers around a death first? Everybody seems to only wish to focus on God's Ice Cream and nothing else.

God himself says there's a time for life and a time for death.

Why all these folks are going around claiming and hoping for and "speaking life into" situations where God is clearly authoring death is a mystery to me.

Sometimes His penmanship is a death followed by a rebirth, life. Other times it is simply Him authoring death.

Even when He authors life without death first, is it pain-free life generated abra cadabra style? Is there not discomfort and birth pangs which precede?

•••••

Speaking of death, I am finding myself again praying for my daughter's death. That would be so much more merciful than the utter hell and shit she is growing up in. It has been awhile since I prayed this type of thing, and have come back around to it. It truly would be God's mercy.

Go ahead and gawk and shake your head if you want. Be horrified and think "I could never wish that for my child or any child". Yeah, go ahead. Enjoy your comfy, cushy little blessed world, friend. Others of us out here are going through real, utter shit in life. Cancer is not always physical little cells in people's bodies.

There are cancerous situations in life, just as debilitating and life-sucking and eroding. But praise be to God! Three weeks ago Jesus asked me "can you drink My bitter cup?" I replied "what do You mean 'can I'? What the hell do You think I've been doing for over two years? I'm taking that as 'can you handle more gall than you've already drunk'?"

Turns out I can. He certainly has proven He knew what He was talking about. Already had at least two more gulps You talked about, Riz. Gotta love The Riz (aka, Jesus the Risen Messiah for you traditional folks) for His astute prophetic knowledge.

•••••

Wonder how many pulpits will be preachin' on the joy of agony anytime soon. Yeah, that's what I thought.

•••••

Well, there's your good news update. 'Til next week sometime...

more II

There is other pain which can mesh with knowledge to do something good, strong, beautiful and/or powerful. This is aside from the God-authored "I want you to grow up as a Follower" pain.

This other pain is just simply pain from life. I'll leave it to the experts to talk about life-pain's relation to being of God or not, to what degree, how, how much is evil around us, how much is us stumbling ourselves, how much is God, all that stuff.

I'll leave that to others for now. I just simply know that people hurt and life is painful--in various degrees, on a pretty wide continuum. Some things are life-numbingly severe and traumatic. Other things hardly impact the breath. I've lived at both ends of the spectrum. One end for the very large majority of my life, the other end for a relatively short time. I know others whose lives are the inverse of mine, and I know people who are all along the spectrum.

One of the things that is very disappointing is the breadth of people who do nothing but fixate on "why" when something painful happens. In a way this doesn't really surprise. Society today is on such a binge for dissection, analyzation and complete deciphering, and wish this to transpire immediately. Everyone--the media, C/church, groups, education--are hyper focused on looking at things under a microscope and making lightning quick assumptions.

Pain can be analyzed and scrutinized under this microscope, yet the odds of pain looked at this way having the chance to mesh with God-knowledge to birth something good, beautiful or powerful are pretty much nil.

All the talk that I'm generally aware of, when a situation or life has been traumatic or painful, is (by a Follower) "why, God?" And by a non-Follower, "how could a loving God....?" I think these are valid questions, yet I also think pain is a time where God is wishing primarily to get our attention to listen, not flood Him with questions we want answered immediately. He cares about the questions, He does. It just seems people are programmed to fire off 20 questions at Him when stuff happens instead of (ever) listen. It seems people are programmed and eager to analyze microscopically when it would be better to view things macro. It seems people wish to kneejerk instead of not kneejerk.

And these things taking place are understandable. We're human, whether we're a Follower or not, and some stuff just crops up from within us innately. We hate pain, and it is our nature to avoid it, heavily question it and respond quickly to pain with simply the desire to have it gone asap. It's hard to be patient and to listen when hurt.

I think God does desire to show us and tell us stuff about pain, and to talk through things with us with regard to it. We're just not by nature oriented to be patient or unemotional about it. That's pretty much our nature. Which makes it hard to digest that pain seems to be the way God works good things.

Even if we can somehow come to be oriented well to God about pain, which is contrary to our nature to do, we can't really expect to know everything about "why". God will talk to us and show us some things about it. Other aspects of it He won't. Some of those things that we're thinking about aren't on His mind about it. There are some things our hearts aren't ready for when we ask the questions. God knows this and shows us mercy by not talking to us about them at the time. Some things He can tell us later down the road, when He knows it's okay then. Other things we will never know until That Day.

Some things are so severe it is essentially impossible to come to God about them. They could not be any more polar opposite than what we've always heard about Him. We talk to people who in some way linked or professed to be linked to God, and there is simply this huge, huge disconnect between our experiences and this "caring, loving God" stuff we hear about.

But I don't think people who actually know Him mindlessly blab "He cares about you, He so wants to bless you" garbage incessantly to those who hurt. It doesn't seem so because it is not my experience that He does this Himself. He doesn't say a lot of things that people who allege to represent Him say, I'm learning the hard way. It is so cliche, it is so mindless and shallow...it is very rotten fruit to the bruised in life.

And so where's the middle ground? God and pain, anguish, trauma. Got some more thoughts on this for later, just wanted to think out loud about some stuff here.

more

Good things happen between people and God when there is a mesh of knowledge and pain. This pretty much sucks, but the more things are observed the more it appears to be God's way.

This is why Jesus says that entrance into the Kingdom is difficult. It takes place via something that is totally contrary to human nature. Human nature is to run from pain. Avoid it at all costs. Detour around it if at all possible. We do not by design embrace or welcome pain in our lives. We fucking hate it.

God scripts it, though, regardless of how we feel about it.

Yet this is what is so contrary in today's Body. Pulpits today do not speak of pain as God's way. There is only speak today of blessing, victory and success.

Yet that is what is amazing. If it were possible (but it's honestly not) to get someone in today's church to remove the praise dildo from their orifice for a minute and have a sober conversation, they would admit that it is the times of hardship in their life when they have been closest to God.

Have you ever noticed that when searing circumstances arise in your life that your ears suddenly get larger and more attentive to God? Not in a blessing or praise sense, but rather in a "God, I'm listening" sense.

But this so often falls to the wayside. People leave this temporary moment of sobriety with God and run right back into the Bless Me Room.

Utter shit gets our attention. We come down off our high horse (be it a praise/blessing high horse or a sin high horse) and are willing to be with God--listen to Him, not just blab a one way monologue to Him.

But this is not what takes place in today's Body. The expected orientation of anyone who is a "Believer" is to be continually drunk with the praise Kool Aid.

And so here's what happens today. Anytime God wishes to get someone's attention or have them spiritually grow up (He grows us by trial and hardship, it is ALL throughout the new testament that this is what He does) there is a kneejerk, spasmodic reaction. It's partially based on human nature yet is amplified many, many magnitudes by the praise/blessing gunk.

People have come to wholeheartedly expect (demand) blessing around the clock, and so what goes on both inside them and other Kool Aid Drinkers is a HUGE disconnect.

I see this time and time and time again in people, this disconnect. They are totally befuddled as to why a serious, hazardous situation has cropped up in life when "God" is (allegedly) all about their perpetual bliss.

When shit goes down the reaction is commonly not "yes, God, I'm listening". Rather it is "satan you have no place here, go back to hell", "devil, you have no authority over Suzy's life". People begin flailing at the devil, when the truth is it is God trying to get them to come down off the high of their praise/blessing injections and actually (*gasp*) grow for a change.

Is it really that hard to see that today's Body is overflowing with whiny, bratty, immature babies? When anything goes even slightly awry they just begin to cry. Wah wah wah. God restore my comfort. God readjust my fleece blanket, it got moved one millimeter and I can't handle it if it's not perfectly positioned. You'll do this because You LOVE me. Because You love me You want me happy. I'm not happy. Wah wah wah. Don't You love me? Wah wah wah.

Worse than this, these people destroy what God is wishing to do in other people. God tries to get Joe Christian's attention, speak to Joe, grow him, and the people around Joe begin rebuking satan and spend every ounce of their prayer, energy and "ministry" pleading, begging and commanding that a state of blessing be restored to Joe's life.

People are intervening in the name of Jesus and preventing God from doing things in and with people. You think God is all-powerful? Ha ha. His work is stopped ALL the time by people who go around doing their own thing in His name. This is why Jesus says what He says to us in Matthew 7:

"Many will say to Me on that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name and driven out demons in Your name and done many mighty works in Your name? And then I will say to them openly (publicly), I never knew you; depart from Me, you who act wickedly [disregarding My commands]"

It is not of God to have a Body full of diaper wearers. He wants people to grow up, and He's excruciatingly clear that He does this by way of pain. And yet there is a sea, a hugely large majority of those who claim His name who are doing all they can to prevent growth in both themselves and others by alleviating and circumventing pain.

And think they are of God by doing so.

Got news for ya. God has had it with diapers. He is absolutely fucking sick of changing diapers. Ask Him yourself if you want.

Quit doing all that can be done to prevent growth by trying to keep things dainty, positive and blessed. This is resisting God and operating in the Christian Flesh (doing one's own thing in Jesus' name), just like Jesus talks about.

God does some really cool stuff when there is a mesh of knowledge and pain. This is why He authors pain. Take away the pain and all people have is knowledge.

This is why knowledge by itself is just knowledge.

So all this talk about being a more mature Follower just by knowing more bible and/or having a better/longer prayer life (which, let's be honest, is just spending more time asking God to do things on our or others' behalf)? These will give us more knowledge, but they aren't going to grow us jack shit.

Pulpits and churches everywhere today say growth comes via more bible reading and more praying. God says growth takes place via hardship.

None of us will mature squat as long as life is a matter of conceptually nodding our head in philosophical agreement with the idea that Jesus will baptize us with the Holy Spirit and with fire (Matthew 3:11).

Hear what is said to anyone who would wish to grow up in God, and/or be in Paradise:

"Grant that we may sit...in Your glory. But Jesus said to them, You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink or be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized? And they replied to Him, We are able. And Jesus told them, The cup that I drink you will drink, and you will be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized"

Further, "that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope] That if possible I may attain to the resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead" (Philippians 3)

And, "we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." (Romans 8)

The pulpits today don't talk of these things. They only talk about eating ice cream.

Salvation is NOT a "free gift", I don't care what everyone is telling you. Jesus says the opposite. He tells us following Him is going to cost us everything we've got.

If we are truly God's sons, if we are to mature beyond diapers, following Jesus is going to rip us asunder. From stem to stern.

I'm sorry they didn't tell you this when you signed up. If you want to reconsider and turn back and follow Him no more, go ahead. Jesus doesn't chase people, and we are free to leave. They don't mention these fine-print verses above when they tell us about following Jesus.

So the question is, are we going to tell Jesus we wish to drink from His cup? Do we have the guts to invite His baptism? Invite His sufferings? And by His sufferings this is not talking about having allergies or some other physical trifle.

This is not a pretty thing. This is Jesus' invitation to be bludgeoned as He is bludgeoned. When He says "follow Me", it is an invitation to follow in the footsteps of His sufferings.

It's really interesting that so many people consider those who are living in and pursuing the blessing bubble to be "men of God" and "women of God".

Not according to the bible.

Maybe we're satisfied simply having knowledge.

S'ok. Retract to the precious little worlds of knowledge and blessing lived in at the moment. There's going to come a fork in the road where it's either renounce Jesus totally or embrace His way of suffering.

This current "God wants things cushy for us" stuff will shrivel and be vanquished. It is not of God and He's beginning to shred it for the nonsense that it is. The prayer here is that He'll bring that fork swiftly to anyone who's read this.

Venture beyond knowledge. Ask for His cup, if you dare. It is NOT pretty, so we should weigh this before asking frivolously. This is a weighty thing to ponder. But then again, the Way is not for everyone.

cont'd

I've really had a lot brewing lately, and every time I've sat down to write something nothing has gelled. It's as if there are ten thousand things inside, and collectively they are busting at the seams, yet when I attempt to select one of them from the others nothing comes.

I'm feeling that way right now too, but am just going to type stream of consciousness and perhaps get the stinkin' cog out.

I have really been doing a lot of pondering the last few months on pain and knowledge. I wrote recently knowledge is nothing but knowledge. Of itself it stands alone. It has some value, but in the big scheme of things knowledge by itself is very, very tiny. By itself it often causes much, much damage.

But people don't look at knowledge this way.

Knowledge is trumpeted as the end-all. If you have knowledge you put yourself in position to have bigger and better (fill in the blank). Power, prestige, advantage, security, success, the list is quite lengthy.

The same is true among those who claim to know God.

In the last two years I have met many, many people who gurgitate all manner of bible verses and Godspeak in conversation. They have a repository of God-knowledge somehow and somewhere inside of them. And yet this knowledge when expressed has sounded like a sour, shreeking chord that raises all the hairs on the spine.

It is an absolutely awful sound to the ears of a wounded heart, yet the people who are playing the chord are tonedeaf. They think that what they are saying is on the mark and just what the Big Doctor in the sky ordered.

Many think because they are quoting bible verses it is absolutely certain that what they are saying has some type of celestial magic within it that will lead to a lightbulb going off inside the person they are speaking with.

Not so.

God Himself says very clearly this is not the case. Interestingly, He says this is not so right in the middle of the part of the bible scripture-Quoters reference as the reason to always be knowing scripture, learning scripture and quoting verses.

What's interesting is these folks don't pause to consider this is the very thing Jesus wishes to deflate. When He speaks to people who are knowledge hounds, He scathes them for having tons of knowledge and being zero about people's hearts.

And that is one of the chief plagues today. People who claim to know God are on a knowledge binge. Meanwhile, they know nothing and care nothing about people's hearts.

This is central to Jesus' message. In His conversations with the teachers of the Law this comes up over and over again.

As I'm typing this I am thinking of three friends. All of them have/had some nasty heart-bruises in life. All three of them went to church with the hope of having their heart recognized (and hopefully nourished) there.

All three of them instead had their heart further damaged, trampled and bruised.

So, what did all the knowledge inside all of the people in the places they went do? Nothing? No, not nothing. The knowledge did additional heart-stomping damage. And what happened as a result of that? Each of these three friends could not tolerate the additional bludgeoning of an already dilapidated heart, and so they left before their heart was killed.

I applaud each of them. Whether they knew it or not, they had a gauge of their own heart and they knew they needed to protect what was left. (Prov 4:23)

A friend questioned on the recent Knowledge post that perhaps I was denouncing knowledge. I'm not. Knowledge has the potential to be part of heart repair, but it does not do so by itself.

Knowledge alone is just knowledge. Knowledge by itself does nothing to or for the heart.

It has to mesh with something else. And largely it's not.

caesura...

much turbulence, no rhythm...