new church names I

After much observation and thought, I keep coming to the conclusion there needs to be an abolition of the current naming structure of churches in the U.S., and a radically different and on-the-mark naming system be put in place.

Gone will be Episcopal, Methodist, Baptist, Catholic, Lutheran, Christian, Assembly of God, Church of God, Church of Christ, etc.

Even the non-denominational churches will no longer be nameless.

The new naming structure will give current and prospective churchers an idea of these places ahead of time.

So, instead of these antiquated church brandings above, let's get with the times here, people. Churches strain a gnat to be so "hip" and "relevant", why aren't you busting yourselves to do so with the name on the sign?

Here we go. New church names:


The Positive Church

These churches believe that every single word that emanates out of our mouths determines our fate in Jesus. One of their favorite verse is "out of the mouth the heart speaks", and boy don't you know you do NOT have freedom in Jesus to share your raw heart if shit be goin' down in your life.

These churches are totally befuddled when macro events like 9/11 and Katrina take place, cause the real world doesn't mesh with their positive bubble existence. On a micro level, they are confused as hell when things like divorce and cancer spring up among their members. They have no answer. All they know to be is...positive.

"Well, gosh Myrtle, that is sure bad what we've heard about Tim & Shelly. Let's make sure whenever we're around Tim that we smile and encourage him as much as possible. After all, 'a cheerful heart doeth good like medicine'!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (another verse they cling to as if it's one of the only ones that exists)

You will be severely brainwashed that you are to be positive in ALL speech and attitude, and are to ignore your reborn heart. Say one word about the church or pastor and you'll hear references to "people with a critical spirit". This is them talking about you, but of course they generalize instead of talking to you (hoping you "get" the hint), cause they have no ambition for honest dialogue (gasp) among Followers.

Folks in the Positive Church NEVER read the books of the Prophets, where God is very straight-up about His people who are sinning and generally just screwing up.


The Spiritual Warfare Church

Some of these are churches who look for demons under every rock in the universe. Some aren't so demon-focused as they rather look at every single thing in the world as a spiritual battle.

When you're at Taco Bell and can't decide what you're going to order, that's a spiritual battle over your God-given ability to make decisions. "satan, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus! You have NO AUTHORITY over my eating here at Taco Bell" is something they might shout while waiting in their car. (Of course, if the person on the loudspeaker has already said "Order when you're ready" they will usually say this under their breath. They don't want the order-taker to tell the food-preparer "hey, spit in that burrito. This clown in the drive-thru was shouting satanic nonsense in my ear.")

If your car won't start, it's an attack of satan himself. These folks will be standing there casting demons out of their vehicle while Fred, a local mechanic who happens to have stopped at that convenience store too, pops the hood, changes out the spark plugs with some spares he had in his truck, and starts the car.

These folks also talk to satan in their prayers. It's common to hear them, while praying to God, take a detour and start praying to satan instead, telling him "satan, you get your hands off Sandra", "satan, you have no place in Tom's life", "satan, you can't get Nancy", and "devil, you go back to hell where you came from". (I've always wanted to stop them mid-sentence and say "Hold it, am I mistaken? I thought we were talking with God here.")

I'm not making light of this. There is demonic activity in this world. I've encountered demons, literally. (It was a great experience--they are highly overrated. There is pervading stupidity and weakness underneath their mirage attempts to appear smart and powerful. It doesn't take much at all to see through their swiss-cheese existence.) Anyway, yes, there are attacks against us. And yes, we should not be unaware of this.

Rather, though, I don't really see, for example, if I'm a cashier and hand somebody back 52 cents in change and it should have been 53 cents that that was a cunning, sly attack of satan on me as a follower of Jesus.

I received an email recently from a pastor (I have NO idea how I got on his email list) who said “Satan is on the offensive to take out our tv program”. Really? How do you know it’s not God telling you you’re done with that?

As if that weren’t enough, two bullet points later he talked about his ministry being “under severe attack” because their outgoing devotional email was blocked from being sent to some email addresses in their email database.


The Blessing Church

These folks interpret the word blessing to mean "be nice to". They talk about food at a potluck being "such a blessing". I once had a pastor tell me "if there's any way I can be a blessing, let me know". When someone leaves the church, they'll say "Joe and Sarah have been such a blessing to us, we just want to bless them as they venture off to their new beginning." You get the idea.

There's a lot of mush and ooey-gooey at these churches. Lots of Mr. Rogers Pansy Christian guys walking around on their tippy toes. These places are deceptively euphoric. There are so many "God bless you"s being spoken by everyone you sense instead of walking around on tile and carpet that you are walking on the clouds of God Bless You words being spoken. It's that thick, yeah.

Another huge part of the Blessing Church is the idea that blessing is ALL God is about. Period. NOTHING else. All He ever thinks about is how He can bless ("be nice to") those who speak His name.

"God exists to bless us" is their mantra, as well as the type of glasses they look at the world through. Just like the Positive Church, they really have a difficult time talking about disease, disaster, sexual trauma that has happened to their members at any point in the past, etc.

I received this, verbatim, in an email from a Blessing Church person yesterday. "Trust me, He loves you, cares about you, and only wants the best for you. God wants to bless you." Keep making double sons of hell, effer.


The Hair Club Church

I saw a billboard last night that made me think of this name. The billboard was an advertisement for a hair club business. On the left side of the billboard we see Joe, bald, with a very mundane look on his face. On the right side of billboard is Joe again, with a hair transplant, and a big happy grin on his face.

The tag line on the billboard said "From Thinning To Winning!"

I immediately thought "what a perfect analogy to the belief tenets of some folks".

When you're in a Hair Club Church, you will often hear God/Jesus portrayed as The Great Hair Transplantists. See? Your life is crumbling, going sour, headed south, but THEN after your Jesus transplant then boy you are ten feet tall and bulletproof. You are happy all the time and life becomes peaches n' cream.

It's really a shallow simplification of Jesus. These folks, God love 'em, really don't know what to say when they know you are a Follower yet your life is not following the "Winning" formula. You've had "the transplant" (or is that Transplant?) and yet you have situations indicating baldness. My God, this confuses them!

In Hair Club churches that have a prayer time during the circus, er, I mean service, you'll hear them say things like "If you have any type of need in your life; financial, relational, spiritual, we'd like to pray for you." See? That's a nice way of them telling you you are bald, and they invite you up front for a transplant so you can have a full head of spiritual hair and be happy!


The Victory Church

Did you know, boys and girls, that God is all and only about your WINNING and VICTORY? Every single thing in your life is a win or a loss. Very black and white. And God wants you to WIN!

If you'll embrace Jesus, YOU will begin winning in life. None of us likes to lose, so have some Jesus today and get on the victory track.

It's funny. A couple of months ago I was watching a show where a guy got his ass whooped in a boxing match. They showed him after the fight praying with his wife and kids and he prayed "thank You that I always have the victory". I was like, "wtf are you talkin' about, dude? You just had your ass handed to you."

Alas, this is the typical prayer you would hear in a Victory Church.

The good thing about Victory people is they don't deny hardships, trials or disasters, so they're somewhat different from Positive and Blessing churches.

However, one of two things usually happens.

As in the case of the boxer above, Victory Church folks will warp reality to make it seem like they never lose. They have this denial factor going on that has them believe they never lose. That's because God never wants us to lose anything, boys and girls. Because He loves us He wants us to win...so even when you lose, you really win!!!

Confusing? Yeah, I know.

Here's the other thing that might happen. Some Victory folks don't live in denial. They acknowledge bad things happen, but buddy, you just better know that the last chapter hasn't been written yet about the situation.

My God will ALWAYS be victorious! He will ALWAYS have the last say so, the last laugh, in everything before it is all said and done. No one ever trumps God with nanny-nanny-boo-boo.

And so, if something unfavorable takes place in life, Victorians borrow a little mojo from their Positive brethren and have this gippy, positive, expectant attitude as they wait for God to right the ship of the bad circumstance that came along. Because He always rights the ship. He WILL right the ship. You just go hide in the bushes and watch!

It's been a long time since I've been able to stomach hanging around Victorians, but this just makes me ponder what they do when members of their churches die of cancer or get divorced.

I think they go to Default Attitude #1, that a loss is a win. That's really a circumstantial thing, cause dying is a great gig compared to living on this shithole called earth, yet in the case of the boxer dude who got his ass whooped it's living a warped mirage.

Victory Churches are pretty popular. I mean, don't we all wish that no one thinks we have an "L" on our forehead? Losing can very easily be a gripping and paralyzing thing, and so the Victorian message is very attractive.

Just be careful, friend. They'll have you perpetually waiting for Ketchup from heaven when life deals you a shit sandwich.

Either that or they'll have you convinced that a shit sandwich is not in fact a shit sandwich. Beware, you Loser!


The Clueless Church

Cluelissism has only been around a few years that I’m aware of. It’s rather a new phenomenon in churchdom, and is quite a shock for a lot of folk.

Imagine you have been rolling along in life, oh, maybe 70 or so years. You may have been raised in church during the hard part of the 20th century, leaned early in life into Jesus, and continued in life this way.

Then, when you’re in the twilight of life, the church you’ve gone to for 40+ years puts a sign up on their marquee that says “what on earth am I here for?”

Makes you just want to go bury your head in the sand. You’ve lived a good life, a longstander in faith, and some whipper-snappers come along and act like they don’t know what the hell life or faith is about? What a joke.

Another typical sign outside of a Clueless Church is akin to the announcement of a sermon series I saaw recently called “What is a Christian?” The faith has been around 2000+ years, and the pastor needs to tell members what their faith is about? Just what the hell have y’all been doing inside those doors all these years? This was not one sermon. The pastor was going to be preaching this topic for an entire month…

It’s unclear whether or not Cluelessism is a modern day Trojan Horse approach to attendance. The Church certainly has not been underaccused of being proud or know-it-all-ish, and maybe for that reason interest has waned in church.

So is Cluelissism an attempt to be meek and humble because the Church is truly repentant of haughtiness? Or is it just a way to get people in the door? The verdict is still out.

Another angle of Cluelessism is talk that some things about God that aren’t a mystery are in fact a mystery.

Yes, there are some things we’ll never know. But Cluelessists sometimes take this overboard and make bigger miseries, er, mysteries out of things than they need to, in order to facilitate a perpetual spiritual fog on things, life and spirituality.


The Name It Claim It Church

This is another extremely popular Church. At its core are a couple of interesting tenets.

One of them is, if we will but recite things to God which He has previously said or done, He MUST answer us (in a very timely fashion) and act according to what He previously said or was in the bible.

This is such a no-brainer way to manipulate God and force Him to live according to our wishes. We scour the bible, find a verse of some kind that compares to what we want to happen, then we “claim” that we want that very same thing in the bible to come about in our lives.

This is better than a slot machine, man. We’re talking guaranteed blessing and victory according to what God did at some point in the past. We back Him into a corner and say “You did this before, God, You must do it again. Because You have integrity, because You don’t lie, because in You there is no wavering”, etc..

One of the verses I’ve heard aligned with the Name It Claim It Church is “God honors His Word above His name”.

I’ve looked for that verse, in those words, earlier this year and came up empty. Couldn’t find it. Maybe I overlooked it, but I did a pretty thorough search at biblegateway.

Anyway, this is a very perilous faith. At its core is bullying God with scripture, mandating that He act exactly as He acted on at least one occasion in the past.

He is to sit up and deliver according to our will, and He’s bound by His “Word” to do so.

I recently heard a pastor in a prayer say “we demand….blah blah blah” to God.

That’s about as slippery as the slope gets, friends. God doesn’t exist to serve us. He does to and for us out of love, not obligation. This is some abusive shit on our part toward Him. “You will, God.”

Uh, God doesn’t operate like that. This is grounds for some “who are you” smack down like Job experienced.

But Name It Claim It’ers don’t see it this way. Because God loves us and because He honors His Word above His name (?), we have every “right” to expect and demand things of God.

I love my daughter, and I give to her out of my love for her. But there is a HUGE difference between “Daddy, I want” versus ‘Daddy, you must”.

Another thing about the NICI way is the notion that people who are God’s children don’t have what He’s already given them.

This last year I was going through some shit, and a NICI person approached me and attempted to minister to me this way:

Them: “Do you claim the promises of God?”
Me: “Do I ‘claim’ the promises of God?”
Them: “Yes. Do you claim God’s promises?”
Me: “Um, no, I don’t. I’m His son. He’s already given me what’s His. I don’t have to ‘claim’ anything. ‘Claim’ suggests I don’t yet possess. I have what is God’s, I’m His son.”

This was a very odd “let’s go to Christianity 101” conversation that had no place taking place. It’s not “me recite, Him do”, “me demand, Him act”.

Intercoursing with God this way also confines Him to a very small box. It’s expecting and restricting Him to act ONLY according to what is in the bible. God’s not that small, friend.

It also treats Him as an antiquated Old Fart God who is restricted to being the God of “thee’s” and “thou’s” of yester-millenium. Does He talk to you, individually, this way?

He has things for us, you and me, in this era. In our days. So He did x with Abraham, or y with Joseph. So? What’s He telling you for you? What’s He telling me for me?

Might He do as He did back then? Maybe. Possibly. Who are we to put shackles on God, asking or mandating that He do x or y?

Maybe He wants to do s or t with us. Are we listening, or claiming?


The Fire Insurance Church

These folks’ entire Christian experience revolves around the concept of whether you are “saved” from hell.

It doesn’t matter if you are in hell right now, that doesn’t count in a church like this. The central focus regards your afterlife. The commons swoon is “do you know that you know that you know (that you are saved)?”

There’s no real talk about living, or Life. It’s about having an insurance policy with God that when your time is up, tomorrow or 50 years from now, you focus on the fact that you’re “right with God”.

When you know you’re right with God, it’s okay to sit in a pew each Sunday and have a little smirk. YOU are “saved”!

These folks are touchy about the word saved, known to sometimes erupt when they see bumper stickers which say “Jesus saves, passes to Gretzky, over to Messier, he shoots, he scores!”

fallacies of worship

So I got an email yesterday from an acquaintance.

We used to go to church together. The church we used to go to is boarded up now, and the remnants who remained of that place joined up with another church in town.

He emailed me this new church's e-blast electronic update.

"This Sunday...November 19th! The Worship Band & Praise Team, along with the Choir will bring us to the throne room for worship with great worship songs and hymns."

Oh, really?

I/we will be in GOD'S THRONE ROOM upon hearing your band and choir?

Um, have you ever heard the term "sensationalistic"?

What about Jesus is sensationalistic? I'm really curious to know how and when He is more sizzle than steak.


But it's not just this...which is pathetic in and of itself.

This flat out reeks of Old Testament.

God in a building. God in a brick & mortar. God in a place.

Was the veil of the Temple not ripped in two when Jesus died? It obviously shouldn't have been, huh?

Why does anyone bother to sing "Emmanuel"? Seriously.

I guess Jesus was just blabbing to hear himself talk in the latter chapters of John. All that nonsense about the Holy Spirit, saying "I'm leaving but am sending someone else in my place, and He'll be here with you since I'm going elsewhere.


What if I were to say that the chair you're sitting in as you read this is holier ground than that place you go to every Sunday?

Have you ever pondered that God is no less with us when taking a diarrhea dump than when we're singing praise songs in a brick & mortar building?

We are no more nor less in God or He in us changing a diaper, cleaning up vomit, befuddled by homework, folding clothes, held up in traffic, etc than when we're doing any type of acknowledged ritual or activity pertaining to God.

But alas, this is yet another reason why I dislike this time of year. Not for the good that happens, but rather for the largely lived view that this is a "special" time of year.

People are more giving, more patient, more this, more that for one month a year than the other eleven.

There's "extra" good that happens this time of year than the rest. Not bashing that. Rather, why is it one month out of twelve?

The message I get from this is that I put on a mask for a month then go back to what else I was doing for the rest of the year. Pretty much like people put on a mask for two hours on a Sunday morning and then are otherwise the rest of the week.

I saw a church marquee a few months back that said part-time faith is not good. Well, no shit. But that's not what I'm seeing when I look around.

To have some church send me an email proclaiming I'm going to be spellbound if I'm inside their door this Sunday is a bunch of bull.

That reminds of yesterday. I was out near a mall, and there was a group of folks hanging out at the stoplights with buckets and Santa hats and going from car to car with their damn cheshire grins plastered to their faces.

What went through my mind was "are you going to be back out here in March, or June?"

I am so effing tired of the Way being portrayed as this "some times and places and events are more godly and/or put us closer to God than others" bullshit.

Another part of the disgust is the permeating notion God resides "more" in pleasant, positive, uplifting, nice, attractive, approved, obvious, spotlighted places than in subtle, ugly, unnoticed, plain, unglamorous, rejected, unobvious ones.

God is not in a lot of places He's said to be, and in a lot of places He's said not to be.

mystery

I took a trip recently.

Gave two rides along the way. One going, one coming back.


The first one's name was Roger.

I picked Roger up not long after 7am on a cold morning. I was heading about 150 miles toward the direction he was going.

After about an hour I knew an exit coming up where there was a place to stop for food. I offered. He declined.

He said he hadn't eaten, but that he wasn't hungry.

I thought this was interesting, but didn't think more of it really.

I wasn't going all the way to where Roger was going, yet the end destination where he was going was a place that rang a bell.

It's a small city where some relatives used to live. To hear that name stirred some things inside. A place I have many fond memories of growing up. A place which the last time I was there was to bury the last relative living there. Memories of life. Memories of death.

I saw a lot in this man. I didn't have much to give him.

I gave him a ride. I was going that way anyway.

I gave him an ear. He rides with other people too.

I gave him dignity as best I know how. I have no idea how much of that he gets.

I know he was appreciative. He'd been at that spot for 15 hours waiting for someone to stop.

He'd spent the night in the cold.

I relished hearing him talk of how to keep yourself warm on nights like that. Or is that as warm as possible...? Either way, it's good to know.

We talked about what he used to do. Someone I know used to do his type of work, so I was able to ask more than just surface questions. He enjoyed talking about it.

He didn't ask for anything when I dropped him off.

I gave him something anyway. I didn't say anything when I gave to him.

There was no fanfare. No drama.

No "let me tell you why I'm doing this".

I didn't need to tell him. I am to do and be, not say.

I made a u-turn to get back on the Interstate. I saw him in the rearview mirror, walking.

To God, my friend.



On the return trip I met Jim.

It had been a rather cool night the night before too.

I picked Jim up right after picking up some lunch myself. It was about 11am.

I offered him some of my food. He likewise said he hadn't eaten, but also was not hungry.

No problem, I thought. I offered.

Jim had been waiting there 19 hours for a ride. Some locals had offered to take him a few exits up the road, but where he was was the best and busiest place to catch a ride, so he'd declined.

I was heading six hours in the direction Jim was going.

I really enjoyed talking with Jim. He was old school.

He grew up when work was work. His parents, two siblings and he worked 100 acres of wheat, 100 acres of hay, 40 acres of tobacco, 40 acres of corn and milked 29 dairy cows twice a day...yes, by hand. It was that long ago.

Jim was a hard worker, but he also said some crazy things that made me laugh.

Like "ever since Bush started those two wars people don't want to give rides anymore".

Jim was white as rice, not Arabic. I thought that was hilarious.

So it sounded as though Jim travels that road pretty often, as do I.

At one point he told me about a restaurant that I'd never stopped at along that road. He talked about that place for thirty minutes strong. To hear him talk made me hungry, and I'd eaten only an hour earlier. This place sounded REALLY good.

That place was about four hours up ahead of us.

I'm always up for trying new restaurants. I wanted to try that place. It would have been ideal for dinner.

I told Jim "We'll stop there. I'm buying."

He declined.

I didn't get it. He'd talked about this place as the best food in the land, seriously, and he's been all over the States and Canada and tried them all.

I tried to persist. He declined.

I persisted some more. He declined still.

Oh well. We stopped at a urination station and I told him I'd buy him whatever he wanted there. I was getting a bottled water cause I was thirsty.

Jim got a refill on his travel coffee cup and a couple of hot dogs.

We kept drivin'.

Eventually we drove past the place he just couldn't say enough about earlier. I didn't say anything, I wanted to see if he did. He didn't say a word, nor did he even look out the window. Oh well.

He really wanted to get to the place I was going to drop him off. If we got there soon enough it would give him three hours to try and catch another ride before it got dark.

I really enjoyed Jim. He's a good man.

We had a little point/counterpoint conversation at one time during the drive. We cracked each other up with our views, and our respective obstinance. He laughed at me. I laughed at him. It was great.

We finally reached the place where he wished to be dropped off.

He didn't ask for anything proactively, I gave somethin' anyway. He was appreciative yet likewise nonchalant.

Just as before there was no fanfare. No harp music audible. And, as is my preference, no pointed comment as to why I was helping him. Fruit is not words. Fruit is do. Fruit is be.

When Jim got out he gathered his things, got his bag out of the back and we said goodbye.

I travel that stretch of highway quite a bit. Jim does too, and said to look for him down the road.

We'll see.

To God, my friend.

As I continued the last thirty miles to my home, I thought back to the trip.

Roger and Jim.

Simple names. Common names.

I've gone many trips without seeing anyone at those places. And now two in one trip.

That was interesting.

I thought back to when Jim got out of the car. He grabbed his coffee, which I hadn't seen him drink, then reached down in the floor and picked up his two hot dogs. He hadn't touched either one of them, even though it had been cold the night before and he hadn't eaten all day.

Roger hadn't eaten either.

I then thought of when I picked up Jim. When I stopped my car he was in front of me, not behind me. I got out and walked around to move stuff from my passenger seat so he could sit down. As I got out he just stared at me and didn't move. His look seemed to be one of amusement.

As I finished clearing out my passenger seat he finally came over to the car. He wasn't all gushy and babbly and hyper-appreciative. He was relaxed. Low key. Easy going. Not in a hurry.

This from a man who had been waiting, sleeping in the cold. then waiting again for a total of nineteen hours.

I just thought about all these observations I had made. The men's demeanor, their words, their spirits.

And why didn't they eat?

I've had some other really interesting instances take place in the last couple of years on the road.

Interesting, and mysterious.

Maybe more on those later...

the Marketing Committee

There was once a people who knew everything.

They knew it all, and let others know they knew it all. They wrestled with how they could communicate they knew it all, for the course they followed indicated they should be humble.

They wrote books about their knowledge. They charged forward with their supreme knowledge.

People began to ask questions, and to stump them. Whenever they were stumped, they gurgitated that what they embraced was sometimes mysterious.

Eventually, they started catching flak for saying they knew it all. They were viewed as know-it-alls, and increasingly their tails became tucked between their legs. They were getting bad publicity.

So they called a committee meeting.

"What are we going to do?", they asked. "We DO know it all, but we do our best to shroud this as 'you should choose to join us'. Whatever is happening, fewer people are coming through our doors. We are not supposed to decline. We are supposed to always increase. For example, we are a member of the Ecclesiastical Jurisdiction of Higher Ground Always Abounding Assemblies Inc.. Decline is not in the mantra of our ruler. It is NEVER our ruler's will than ANYTHING die. We must, we must, we must increase or bust!"

"Well," spoke up one person there, "we must do something different. And since our ruler only wants us to increase and do so in over-the-top, er, I mean powerful ways, I suggest a new marketing scheme. This new marketing campaign will be radically different. We will market from the opposite extreme from how we have been. This new way will bring people who had never considered us before, and will make our naysayers think we have changed."

"What do you mean?", asked the others. "Please, tell us more about your vision. You must be anointed, for what you makes us giddy at the thought of stopping this decline."

"Okay", said the one, "let's look at it. Instead of toning down the fact that we know everything, let's instead go to the opposite extreme and pretend we know nothing!"

"What?!?", the others exclaimed. "How can this be?!?!?"

"Look", said the one, "we must change our marketing techniques. We are getting hammered for saying we know it all. We do know it all, but saying so is killing us. If we go to the opposite extreme, and claim to know nothing, this will get people to come in again. We still know everything, but we will give off the appearance we don't so that people will come. Then when they come, we will then show them that we know it all."

The others gulped. "You mean, like a Trojan horse? It's a technique, a trickery?", asked one.

"Yes", said the anointed one. "Our objective is to get in, or in this case get them in. We will then show skill and cunning akin to the crusaders of our cause many centuries ago, except we will be smashingly more successful. Our predecessors wielded swords and long bows, but we have video projectors, air conditioning, PowerPoint, wireless microphones, praise bands and every conceivable program man's mind can conceive. We will also have the advantage of some other unspoken things which you will be told later. Our ruler will be pleased with our numbers. We will be fulfilling his charge to always be victorious in increasing measure like never before!"

"We are not so sure", claimed the others. "There must be more to this."

"There is", said the anointed one. "Here is something else that makes this foolproof. We are being slammed for being pious. Through this new marketing scheme we will claim to know nothing. This will give the impression that we have changed, that we are now humble. This will make people like us NOW. We must be getting bigger. Our ruler is displeased. We must abandon the idea of telling others that we know it all. We must come with a new message."

"Well", the others said, "you're right. It is about more, for our ruler always and forever wants it that way. He has said so in the memos that he has sent out. There were numerous memos along the way which indicated that our ruler actually prefers less, but we have discarded those and are solely focusing on the memos where he says increase is the way.

And you are right, we have taken a black eye for saying we know it all. This scheme will allow us not to come across as pious. We will entice people to come in via false humility, and once they're in we will love them patiently for a little while. If after a period of time they do not embrace our ways, then we will begin to gradually pressure them to become one of us or else. There are standards and timelines and codes of integrity we must uphold. Our ruler says we must not bend. We are to fight if necessary. We call this 'take a stand'. Yes, yes. This is brilliant."

And so they voted, and the new marketing initiative passed by a large margin. There were a few dissenters, but they were drowned out, and not too long thereafter were kicked off the committee.

lights & shadows

The faces were in different places tonight.

Expecting them to be where they'd been, but they were not.

They're in new places, but only when light is at certain angles.

Is there something to that?

They were bigger.

More animated.

Darker.

Yet harmless and outside nonetheless.

They scream. I yawn.

They are more desperate.

Even their shadows are more distinct and animated.

Is that a precursor?

Doesn't matter.

Nothing changed inside.

At all.

They can see what I can't but know is there.

So what.

Seeing is not altogether required there.

There's more to it than seeing.

There's hope to see.

What's the big deal?

Who calls that shot?

as you enjoy

your perpetual victory in Jesus today (and tomorrow, next week, etc), if you can find it within yourself, realize there are other people, followers of Jesus some of them, who are in a world of shit.

Some of them don't know where their next meal is going to come from.

Some are literally pulling their hair out not knowing what to do about a circumstance they're in.

Some of them are very angry.

Some of them are being ripped to shreds.

Some of them are done with all this.

You see, as you live in your "prosperity", every day circumstantially for them is like losing a football game 77-0.

Their "life" is akin to losing a baseball game, where the opponent hits home run after home run yet all they're doing is striking out on three pitches every at bat.

And no, their opponent is not exhibiting good sportsmanship. They are rubbing their noses in the pummeling and jeering like you can't imagine.

(Your praise & worship music is drowning your ears from hearing it.)

People in these situations don't want to see a cheery smile.

The "answer" here is not what you commonly do--hope that your "positive", encouraging attitude is somehow going to rub off on them.

Comments such as "there's victory in Jesus" or "let Jesus lift you up out of your circumstances" grate against their ears when you say them.

Something deep in the core of their being says "No, that's not it at all. There's a lot more than that going on here."

Guess what?

They're right. You're wrong.

You're trying to force Kool Aid down their throat, and you don't even know it.

it doesn't matter whether they are a Follower or not, they've got a barometer going off inside of them that what you're saying "ain't it". And it's not.

This is a very shocking, wacko idea here, but it would be really cool if you who claim God and Jesus would actually check with Them about your "ministry" instead of just blabbing your fucking mouth and thinking you're doing "the Lord's work" when you are not.

Yeah, go ahead and gape your mouth if you want. This is how frustrating and pissed these people not doing so well as you get when you smear their circumstances with your positive, blessed shit.

Unfortunately most of them put on a mask and give you a congenial smile when you offer them the Kool Aid.

They take a sip of the rancid gall you offer them, and instead of being honest and blistering you for giving them that shit, they instead peter out a half-smile.

The half-smile stems from the fact you are confusing the shit out of them.

Their heart is roaring to them "bullshit", but your throwing around the name of Jesus makes them do a double-take.

I got news for you, friend. You're not on the same page with God.

Their heart is in sync with what God has put intuitively inside mankind. Doesn't matter whether they are a Follower or not.

They've got a built-in God radar way down deep inside of them, placed there by the Man Himself.

They may have repressed and squelched it for years, but now at this time, where the rubber meets the road in their life, they are attune to it.

Quit playing fucking games with people's hearts as you take God's name in vain.

You sit there on your websites and tout and herald how much you savor "connecting with God" during worship.

How about venturing to connect with Him outside of "worship"?

God could give a shit about how ooey-gooey you get in staged, purposed theatricals when you're sitting there playing guinea pig, poke-it-with-a-stick experiments with people's hearts in the name of Jesus.

why is there never

any talk about God hating?

He says He hates.

He says there are times to hate.

This is not talking about "hate the sin, love the sinner" garbage.


God hates.

And He hurts.

Not something really pondered because of our view of Him as this titanium, stoic Being impervious to pain who can do whatever He wants at any time.

Too bad God is painted and portrayed like this. Leads to a disconnect we don't really ponder to explore.

Not much tugs at a parent's heart like their child who weeps over them when they're hurting.

Selah

so this explains my life...

I'm not wearing the right colors that God wants me to wear each week.

I also wasn't aware God has a fetish for black and white...now I know (as well as two other colors per week, apparently).

Geez, this following Jesus is going to get expensive. I don't have clothes in a lot of these colors. I'm going to go have to buy some new clothes to please God.

I also (further down the page, Praise That Invites The Presence Of God section) didn't realize that God has to WANT to be with me (us), and that means raising "acceptable praise".

That blows my whole theory of Emmanuel, that God is already inside me. Makes you wonder why elsewhere on this same site it's stated "Jesus Christ indwells all believers". So which is it? Is God inside me or do I have to rub God's belly just right (spiritually or worshipfully speaking) in order for "God to WANT to be with me"?

I also now must start dissecting everything I do to figure if it is "acceptable praise" or unacceptable...

I guess I need to submit my praise intentions to the World Council of Acceptable Praise Police. Does anyone have that phone number or email address?

Oh wait, they have someone whose title is "Worship Administration" on their staff. He must be it, someone who administers worship...

Or is it the "Executive Pastor" I need to check with? A pastor CEO? Wonder how that works...

My God. If these are the requirements, er, guidelines, of a non-denominational church, I can only imagine what the requirements of stuffed-shirt denominations now are.

Oh, and one more thing. Does anyone have any idea what "(we) exist to plant leaders by encouraging disciples in their destiny" means? That is nothing but religio-babble to me, but it's on their Church Purpose link so it must mean something.

Maybe that ties in to something on their Beliefs link: "It is the Father's will for believers to become whole, healthy and successful in all areas of life." Does the fact I'm none of these tie back to my not having the proper God colors in my wardrobe?

Their site says they "accept people wherever they are", but apparently God doesn't.

I have to wear all these clothes colors and get healthy and successful and praise Him in undefined "acceptable" ways in order for God to decide if He wants to visit me.

I wonder, then, why Jesus says people who are broken are blessed...

Jesus, you apparently have no idea what You're talking about.

Damn, I have so been missing out. I'm glad I stumbled across this site, otherwise I'd continue to float along aimlessly in this earthly perdition.

Look out, you people, when my cholesterol level drops then God is going to bless my little socks off.

Wheat germ, here I come!

this weekend

This Sunday will be just another Sunday.

In many places it will be about the same temperature as the temperature in April.

There will be no particular unspoken excitement in the air.

There will be nothing "extra" that goes on.

There will be no particular bulletins printed.

No new clothes bought particularly for this weekend.

No special meals prepared.

No extra spring in anyone's step.

No wider smiles given or cordialities shown to others passed by.

No special dramas.

No particular productions.

No vividly artful bulletins. No exclamation point following the phrase on the front.



Today, this Sunday, any day is none lesser than "that" Sunday each spring.

Nor is "that" Sunday in the spring tangibly any more than today or any day.


There's way too much fake charisma going around for this to imply a call for superficial Jesus-giddyness every day.

Rather, just a note that appearances and faces, regular as clockwork (yawn), never cease to underwhelm.

blowing in the breeze...

Karini, Porocos and Tumachatu were three of twelve.

All twelve were called by name.

I can't remember the others now so well. One began with a B, another with an N.

They all have names.

They welcome company.

I hope I have a small hand when it's their turn. I sense I will.

Images that were usually there were not. They were being disturbed by the Wind.

Was that a sign of something?

Maybe, but not soon.

There's nothing else to write about this now. Perhaps much to be written later.

Much that many would not believe.

Shhhh.......don't tell anyone!

clueless

Okay. Does anyone have a clue about this shign I took a pic of?

I could only think of one thing, and for some strange reason it's giving the benefit of the doubt, so why bother...

real life

I have some friends who are getting divorced.

One of them ran into an old high school flame a couple of months ago, and lah tee dah dee dah, looky what we have here.

The other one called me this morning.

They were doing laundry last night while the other one was "out", and ran across some cum-stained underwear.


They called me on the phone this morning.

Devastated.

I was wondering how they could even drive at the moment.

Been there.

I've been on both ends of it.

I've been the adulterer and the adulteree.

For adulterers, "the road goes on forever and the party never ends".

For adulterees, anguish that literally doubles you over and is beyond human words to describe.


My heart broke this morning.

God hates this.

My friend now knows the intensity of what Jesus felt when He was betrayed.

No other situation I've been in even comes close to paralleling the fireceness of emotion in this situation.

I never had the faintest clue what it was like, until I was the adulteree.

Jesus went through betrayal while His body was beaten to a smithereened pulp, to the point He wasn't even recognizable as a human being. (Isaiah 52)


My friend got to know more about Jesus today.

Took a drink from His bitter cup.

We don't think about that when we say "Jesus, I will follow you", do we?

"I want to know Jesus...and the fellowship of His suffering".

There is nothing becoming or attractive about this. This isn't what's portrayed by today's Body about what all that church and Jesus stuff means.



I don't think we pause much to think about how strongly and how often God's heart breaks.

Especially when we whore ourselves to the world.


A few weeks ago God asked me, "Was it worth it?"

The breaking of my headstrong, haughty, narcissistic, sin-calcified neck.

The one who had told Him, "Why don't You just cut Your losses? I know I once walked with You, but I have absolutely NO desire to turn from anything. You go Your way. I'll go mine."

I was dead serious.

Six months later He was dead serious, when He pulverized those black (not white) calcium deposits I knew would "never" be broken.

"In a burst of wrath I hid My face from you for a moment, but with age-enduring love and kindness I will with pain have mercy on you.

For a brief moment I forsook you, but with great pain and mercy I will gather you to Me again."

There is still pain. And He is still gathering.

Buehler?

And if we are His children, then we are His heirs also: heirs of God and fellow heirs with Jesus (sharing His inheritance with Him); only we must share His suffering if we are to share His glory.

God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons at all.

we suck, scripture demons, circus clowns & such

Okay, it's time for a reality check here.

Criticism notwithstanding, for some time now this blog has been screaming "body of Christ, you don't get it!!!!"

I've talked ad nauseum about the shallow, hollow bullshit that churches call "Christianity".

Thinking band-aids will "fix" where open-heart surgery is needed.

Having no clue how to live/exist/talk with someone going through real-life shit.

Not really being about Jesus.


Well looky here, what happens this week?

A church-going man in Pennsylvania goes postal and shoots 12 kids (four to death) before blowing his own brains out.

The word is he was distraught over he and his wife's infant death nine years ago, as well as some molesting he did twenty years ago when he was 12.

In one of the suicide notes it's said he had been having dreams lately of wanting to molest again.

I'm sorry the man's dead. Yet I'd rather he's taken his own life than go on a molesting rampage.

There's a whole lot more to it than that, but that's another post for another time.


A friend of mine mentioned to me yesterday that the reason they go to church is so that people like that man can have someone to talk to trasnparently, without getting uppity, down the nose treatment.

I think that's great.

Sadly this is the exception in churches today.

Churches are largely not about transparency. There is little freedom of expression going on, in terms of talking about what is really going on in the heart.

Some churches have a time of prayer during (or toward the end of) the service, where people can go up front, kneel at a velvet-padded altar, and pray.

When these "invititations" are made, churches stay very safe about the topics they mention.

They will say things like "If you need prayer regarding a relationship, or a job, or finances, or a marriage, come on up, we'd like to pray with you."

Typical shallow, hollow, surface Christianity.

Churches are not interested in going deep with people. Don't want to talk in-depth about real things that people are really struggling with or that are living past or present nightmares in their mind: anger, lust, hatred, rape, molestation, abuse, the list goes on...

It's stay safe on the surface, and anyone who tries to go deeper is given silent or curbing treatment so these extracurricular topics, attitudes, words and behaviors will cease at best or become a murmuring topic for other people at worst.

In some (many?) churches this silent treatment for going beneath the surface is followed up by a phone call or a meeting in the pastor's office, where the pastor in a round-about way talks about acceptable topics and behavior, and does so with a false-love tone in their voice and a plastered, shit-eating grin on their face.

And this is how we can smell religious spirits a mile away.

Anytime it's come under my thumb, come under my authority, come under the authority of this church, you shouldn't say x, you shouldn't do y, you must or must not z (and when you DON'T you get 'the business--scolding, silent treatment, 'the look', censorship, chastistement, cold shoulder, lecture, pastor meeting, etc), ding a ling a ling!!!

Warning! Religious spirit alert! Religious spirit alert!

Anyway, I've drifted, as usual...

Churches have no clue what to do with anger, nor other horrors past or present that rape people of any of a variety of dignities and dreams.

All they know to do is kneejerk and try and get the straining behavior to stop asap. Most don't give a flying flip about (gasp) digging in with someone or jumping into their shithole with them. Some will ask about what's going on, but ruin the possibility of healing or going deep by blowing the fuse with Christianese speak.

Last fall a lot of people at the church I went to at the time knew generally that I had some rancid shit going on. Two people in particular indicated to me, separately, they wanted to talk about it with me.

I knew the minute they asked they would absolutely NOT be up for it. I politely declined each of them privately.

Both of them, thinking they were ten foot tall and bulletproof in Jesus, or something, persisted.

(side bar: there are lots of demons out there. My experiences in the last twenty months have brought to light a whole new subset of demons that hop on otherwise good-hearted Jesus people. I believe there are ministering demons, positive demons, nosey demons, love demons, care & concern demons, counsel demons, advice demons, encouragement demons, inspiration demons, scripture demons, blabbermouth demons, get you to talk demons, the more words are said the better counsel it is demons, I'm God's gift to ministry demons, hope demons, let me tell you about someone who was in a similar situation whose life is now happy & blessed demons, the list goes on....)

Anyway, so even after this polite decline, I was up at the church during the day on a weekday sometime thereafter, and one of these two people comes in. I didn't recognize it then but I'd recognize it now, an I'm-God's-gift-to-ministry demon (or maybe it was a care & concern demon or a nosey demon) hopped on this person.

I should have known the demon hopped on them, cause they looked at me with a sweetmilk, buttercup, innocent, I'm your good friend, I care about you, plaster-baked half-smile and quaintly said "So how has your week been?"

Me, deciding not to placate the demon and having recently at that point decided to be raw honest and transparent and no longer play the game, opened my mouth and said...

(Before I say it, here's the tricky thing about those damn demons. They will hop on Jesus people, the demon will ask the question through the Jesus person's mouth, and just immediately before a transparent person gives the answer, the demon will hop off, leaving the Jesus person helpless and wide open to the poignant words of someone not into bullshit-Churchianity. The answer is intended for the demon, but since they've hopped off it is the innocent, good-hearted Jesus person who catches the flat side of the reply and gets whacked upside the fucking head by their brother or sister in Christ. This is how a lot of dissention is stirred up in churches by demons.)

So anyway, the demon hopped on this person at church and they daintily asked me "So how's your week been?"

I opened my mouth and (demon jumps off, leaving this person wide open) said: "Fucking rotten."

Every milliliter of blood in their face disappeared in about two-tenths of a microsecond. As did their smile.

They stared at me blankly for a second, then just turned and walked away. They did not utter a sound.

No "I'm sorry." No "oh."

Nothing. Their face said "holy shit" but they wouldn't even say that.

They purposely avoided me at church for nine months.

You know what, don't ask the question if you don't want the honest answer.

This is one of the bullshittiest things about church. Everybody's to be a robot and be "fine" or "blessed".

There is NO answer to transparency. No dialogue. No intercourse.

Raw honesty does nothing but make most Christians' ass pucker.

Contrast this with Jesus, who hung out at the homes of the most prominent sinners in town.

You think there wasn't some coarse language and topics flying around in those places?

You think Jesus gave any regulatory, squelching or acceptability stares at them?

Catch a clue, you blind fools!

Why, then, is it any surprise that a church-going man in PA went postal, and no one at his church had any clue?

Did he see through the superficiality of church, and knew it was pointless to even bring up?

Did he try to bring it up at church and all he got in reply were pat answers?

Did the people at church blow smoke up his ass, and tell him to plainly "focus on Christ"? Was it "God cares for you"?

• "Give it to God, brother"
• "You need to get past this"
• "God bless you"
• "Don't focus on your circumstances"
• "I know you've been hurt, but"
• "Jesus loves you"
• "bless your heart"
• "did you know that Jesus Christ died for your sins?"
• "God has a wonderful plan for your life"
• "read your Bible"
• "become a prayer warrior!"
• "find a good church home" (oops! He had one!)
• "join a men's group"
• "we've got a life-changing conference coming up"
• "start giving 10% of your income to God"
• "go change a widow's oil or rake her yard"
• "there's a book I think you'll like"


Maybe it was instead the self-help junk spoken by Christians everywhere:

• bite the bullet
• find strength
• be strong (which is easily spiritualized by adding "in the Lord". Ever ask anyone "how?" or "what does that mean?" when they said this?)
• when the going gets tough...
• it's not the size of the dog in the fight...
• keep your chin up
• things will get better
• things can only get better from here
• you're going to get through this
• look on the bright side (then add some cutesy phrase like "you've got a beautiful wife", family, daughter, good job, etc)
• "you should start exercising"
• "you need to find a hobby"

Just as worse as these is also people who use scripture from the bible:

• "whatever is good, whatever is pure...think on these things"
• "all things work together for good for those who love the Lord"
• "nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus"

Here's the grand fallacy about the bible.

Some think that ANY bible verse is ALWAYS appropriate and will do some kind of fairy-dust-Jesus-magic to set someone "on high" (spiritually speaking) in EVERY situation they quote the bible.

Not true.

There are times where bible verses are not "on the mark" for the situation.

This thought is fanatically opposed (yawn) by those who think (1) every situation warrants a verse, and (2) if a verse is quoted then God will "do something" with it. (There's even another bible verse they misquote to "justify" doing this.)

This is where scripture demons come around and run amuck.

This is where people think they're licensed, obligated and approved to pitch in their biblical two cents.

These verses are NOT always appropriate. They are NOT for every single situation a Christian comes across. (If they'd read the justification verse they're always quoting, they would know this.)

This ties back to one of the worst things going on in the Body today, which I wrote about at length long ago but have not talked about in awhile: the Christian Flesh.

In a nutshell, it's a term used to describe Followers making Matthew 7 come to life:

"Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'"

WAY too many Followers are going out and doing their own thing in the name of Jesus, unbridled on one hand and not nudged by God on the other.

They think that because they are slinging Jesus' name around (in all the verses and stories and analogies and all manner of Christian-speak they are doing of their own accord) that they are doing what God wants them to do: being a "witness", being "an encouragement", "walking in the anointing of God", "being a blessing to others".

Got news for you, buttwipes. You're not.

There's a lot of holes in the ship, folks. We suck.

Unfortunately, Churchianity is on a headstrong course that has NO interest in going beyond skin deep.

That's why church is dead.

That's why God has moved beyond church.

That's why His echo is in hardly any of them anymore...and fading fast.

We need to get on the same page with God.

We need to go where He has moved on to and (gasp) start living as He would have us, instead of this our-own-thing-in-His-name three ring circus.

gets my vote

I got an email last week that both surprised me and didn't surprise me.

An old acquaintance said he was going to a (brick & mortar) church to learn more about them. Here's the email:

"I plan to attend XXXXXXX Wednesday eve. since they are going to be discussing XXXXXX basic beliefs and theology and I wasn't raised in this denomination I thought it would be a good way to learn about it."

No, really, this was the email.

Blew me out of the fucking water.

Here's the response I drafted, but didn't send:

"I vote that EVERY Christian bookstore and EVERY brick & mortar church in the world be shut down forever. This would mean every follower of Jesus would have to (gasp) intercourse with God himself: about their life, about what the hell is going on, etc."

Receiving that email showed a lot.

It shows what an unstoppable death grip and entrancement of power churches hold over people.

Shows the extent of how sorely most people are lemmings.

Shows, unfortunately, how mind-numbingly dependent people are on the breasts of church.

"I'll let the church speak for me. Yeah, whatever he said, yeah me too."

Huh? Are we such Caspar Milquetoasts that we just brainlessly default to what other people think and say?

A friend and I discussed something relating to this recently, about talking conversationally with God.

He made the point that this scares the hell out of a lot of Followers.

"If God still speaks to people today, gosh, that would mean He may want to speak to me. What might He say?"

I don't get the reservation. At all.

And I also regretted the fact that if I were to send that draft in reply to the acquaintance's email it would sail over his head.

But I like the idea.

Have people stand on their own feet.

Strip the artificial coddling and chin-scratching and thumb-sucking going on all around.

I mean, seriously, what are we really and truly going to say to God one day?

"Yeah, Father, I know I was a bedwetter my entire life and never grew up...but You're this God of love who just forgives me and is full of grace and it's okay, right?"

Shut all these coddling institutions down, and kick people out of the nest.

Make them grown some hair on their chest, and stop this socialite bullshit stageplay.

if you're up to it

and you want to see what American culture has done to the Way, check this out.

I feel like I've just seen a Monster Truck Rally commercial or a used car lot advertisement...for Jesus.

Unfortunately this site has a different Flash presentation up from last week. Last week talked about some type of guarantee to "take you to a high place of worship", whatever that is.

This week it's "receive an impartation which will without question change your life".

Well, how can something without question change my life when I don't know wtf it is?

What the hell is an "impartation"?

Is that a fancy word for the Lottery?

Why is it mentioned as a "sound of worship that is pleasing to the Father" when it's a mime?

Watching a mime I should prepare to be "overpowered by the presence of God and the weight of His glory".

Really? That's going to happen via man instead of God?

I mean, I can understand something like this when the disciples got teleported six miles to Capernaum in true Star Trek fashion, but this?

I don't know why I don't get any sense of hype when I read the bible, even though stuff like a withered hand being healed right before one's eyes, and a man risen from the dead, and a man bit by a viper shaking it off his hand and going about his business lah-dee-dah while everyone waited for him to keel over dead, and a whole host of other things trump a skit by a long shot.

Awe and hype are worlds apart, bro.

gotta love it

Every once in awhile you hear that someone has seen Jesus' face in a french fry or a spirit's face in a plume of smoke...

Driving along I-40 this morning I saw something.

I could swear when I saw this something in my spirit said "yeah, you're an asshole". heh heh

gotta love it...

how blessed I am!

You know how some folks talk about events in their life that take place (with a child, a friend, a situation, etc), and then draw a dainty parallel between that event and some nugget of wisdom or insight about God and/or life?

For example:

(with a sweet little coo-coo voice, like you're talking to a six-month old) "You know, I saw the most beautiful flower blooming today! And it reminded me that we, like a flower, bloom in our relationship with God!"

Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about.

Well, glory be! Yesterday I was driving to an appointment and, God bless me, look what God did...check out this picture!

He gave me one of those parallel-lesson thingys about my life that many others seem to get all the time...

All together now: "awwwwwwwwww".

Or for those of you who want to spiritualize it, all together now: "God is so good..."

...

what the hell are You waiting on?

an apology to a friend

Dear friend,

I know these last few months have been excruciatingly painful.

I know stuff has been going on for quite some time.

I know, because I've seen the hurt beneath the smile.

That pain has amplified magnitudes in the recent past.


And I want to apologize.

I want to apologize on behalf of the people who should be comforting you, but have not and are not. And won't be.

I want to apologize on behalf of the people whose words should be salve to you, but are not. And won't be.

I want to apologize to you on behalf of a religion which thinks it has or can help ease this present radical swarm of pain and anguish a little bit, but which instead provided no substance at all. Not even partially.


I'm sorry for what has not happened. I am sorry for the portrait that's been painted. The portrait which has left you saying "is that it?"


But at the same time, it's not an accident what has happened.

You see, I think, God has authored all this.

What He has done (and is attempting to do) in this, I think, is something you won't hear preached in (hardly) any pulpit...in this land, anyway.


Let me backtrack just a little, if you'd allow the courtesy, to talk about this hunch I have.

It's just a guess at something, regarding the confusion about the pain, the circumstances leading up to now, the situation now, why God seems nowhere to be found, and why, because of that, other things are being pursued.

I don't blame you for not wanting to listen.

Most of what everyone has been saying is like that school teacher in the Peanuts comic strip to your ears: MAW WAH WAH WAH WAH, BAH DAH WAH WAH LAH. You know what I'm talking about.

I know it too. That's why it doesn't bother me that you're rolling your eyes right now.

I am sorry that people have said mostly (only?) eye-rolling things.

I'm sorry for the dispassionate words.

I'm sorry for the shallow sentences and hollow tidbits.

I'm sorry for the empty things said while a Glee-Club-grin has been plastered on the face.

I'm sorry for the attempts to inspire you with positive, encouraging, uplifting words and attitudes.

That's not where your heart is, nor where you have been.

The depth of what's going on in your heart makes their cheap ass, echoing consonants & vowels a joke.

You've been wounded for a long time, and that wound has expanded greatly as of late.

I'm sorry for the band-aids people have spewed your way, without so much as looking at you as they rush by.

I am so sorry.


I also want to apologize for what these who know better have also done.

Pretty much without their knowledge (they are oblivious to it even as we speak), they have taken on the attitude and actions of this God-forsaken culture.

Maybe it all began with a song in the mid-80's that stuck:

"Don't worry, be happy!"

This culture and the Church have told you, and are still telling you, to ignore your feelings.

They have told you, and are still telling you, to ignore your heart.

They've ignored, and are still ignoring, your questions.

Ignoring your doubts.

Ignoring your pain.

Ignoring your fears.

All you're good for to them is some rushed pat answers, some PMA rah-rah, and some psycho-babble which pukes its way out of their mouths.

The Church, just like culture, has told you to look within yourself and get through this by being strong, being determined, by deciding to be resilient, to be courageous, to stick it out, to grit it out, to be of good cheer, to pony up, that "when the going gets tough the tough get going", etc.

You know what I'm talking about. You've also heard, like I have, the umpteen million snippets about self-strength and self-reliance. These are the things that culture and the Church say together.

This culture and the Church exist on the same premises.

Sometimes, like above, they both say the same thing.

Other times they use different words to promote the same belief(s).

This culture markets to you that you should be happy. Always. 24/7. If you're not, something's wrong, and your happiness is just a product, a condition, an environment, a situation, a circumstance, some counseling sessions or a prescription medication away.

The Church markets to you that you should be blessed. Always. 24/7. If you're not, somethings' wrong, and your blessing is just a prayer, a Scripture, a financial seed, a church family, an accountable friend, some counseling sessions or a prescription medication away.

The Church is no different from the world. And, therefore, has been as pathetic and damaging as the world toward you.

Actually even worse, because of the idea people in the Church would or should "get it".

I am so sorry.


But there's that one thing more I wanted to say aside from the apology.

That thing that you won't hear being talked about in churches...let me get back to that.


Life has been hard. It's been and is difficult. Has been, and is, painful.

And yet I mentioned while ago that God has authored it.

I know, I know, you've talked to people about what's been going on for quite awhile now, and when you talk about this frustration and the difficulty they have told you things like "the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. This is all the devil's work. You just tell him to go back where he came from and get out of here. He has no claim on you. He can't do this to you. Let's pray against the dark forces in this."

More Peanuts teacher...BLAH WAH DAH WAH WAH.

I know. I am so sorry.

When they say these things, there's something inside that cringes and says "No, that's not it." Something doesn't ring a hundred percent true about it.

I'm sorry for the blind stabs in the dark.

It's kinda like law school dropouts. They have just enough information to be dangerous, in that they know a few terms and concepts to sling around, but really they don't know what the hell they're talking about.

Like I said earlier, I see God authoring this.


Huh?

Well, everyone in Christianity talks about it really fervently once a year.

By the way they talk about it, it's something, though, only for Jesus and not for anyone else.

It's talked about in this "hey, look what the martyr of this religion did. Wasn't that nice of Him? We all get to ride on the coattails of what He did. We're not expected to do the same."

The whole religion, today at least, is built around the nostalgia of talking about what the hero did a long time ago.

It's none about the idea that anyone who becomes a follower of the head cheese is to actually follow in his footsteps.


And that's simply the one thing I want to say.

He does want you to follow in his footsteps.

The guy you decided to follow? He wants you to follow.

Yeah, I know, mind-blowing concept and rocket science here.


You see, all this pain and circumstance that has led you to the brink? All this lament, all this pain, all this frustration, all this depression, all this clamoring, all this unsettledness, all this funk, all this unhappiness?

It's exactly what God has wanted...and has brought about.

When the gunk started, it's my hunch that was just the beginning where He's wanted it to go.

As things have gotten progressively worse over time? Not where He wanted them.

Things gotten really bad? Nope.

Angry and hurting? Not there yet.

Rotten? Getting there.

Pulling your hair out? That's the idea. Getting warmer.

So helpless to the point you can't take it anymore and you wish you would die?

Yes.

What no one is telling you or encouraging you to do, but what God does want and has brought you to in this pain of life, is death.

God wants you to die.

And He has led you to the cliff.


Church doesn't want to talk about this today.

There is largely lip-service and skim-right-past Jesus saying "whoever find his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life (for my sake) will find it". (Matthew 10)

Or, slightly differently said, "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." (Luke 17)

All this stuff withering down all around you, things out of control and going haywire? It's God.

When you told Jesus "I will follow You", He said "okay".

You meant what you said. He means what He says.

All these Christians who go around saying "well, you know, we're all just imperfect sinners"? They're right.

(The shit-eating grin on their face when they say it is annoying as hell, but the words in and of themself? Yep yep.)

And since we do have things God wants to get out of us (so He can show us a better Way), He's simply brought to a boiling point. He's got those things festered to the surface now so He can get rid of the old.

By death.

But He ain't gonna do it for you. It takes two to tango in this.

Your part takes faith, a word today that is being whored like never before.

Faith is used as a word to obtain possessions, position, recognition, power, money, wealth, status, favor, etc., all in the blessed name of Jesus.

That's not faith.

Faith is stepping off the cliff to die.

Faith is actually, and literally, taking Jesus at his word when he says "if you're going to follow me...if you are going to follow me, you have to step off the cliff."

This entire religion is not about blessing and happiness.

It's about seeing if we'll step off the cliff and die.

God has brought you to the cliff, friend.

And we have to be willing to step off before anything else happens.

The basic premise of this whole thing is we leap toward death without anything to go on except the word of some crazy dude who says if we will step off then he'll do something about it.

All this talk about blessing and abundance and wealth and prosperity?

Pure bullshit.

God and Jesus want you to fling yourself off the cliff to die.

That takes faith. And there's some other stuff going on too.

The world is tugging extremely hard, for you to cure the woes with its fixes, its solutions, its answers, its offerings.

And the Church is telling you there's no way it is God's will that He would want you to lose anything. He wants you full to overflowing, blessed and happy. He wants the best for you...because He loves you.

See what I mean?

There's no mention of death preceding rebirth. No mention of our lives being something we must lose.

All the churches are talking about victory (in Jesus), and how it can be yours, mine, anyone's.

But who's talking about that first requiring that we step off the cliff and abandon what we have known as life?

That's where God has you. At the cliff.

And I'm sorry no one is talking to you about death and abandonment and forsaking all that you know and have known.

No one is talking to you about being helpless. Yet Jesus says "My strength is made perfect in your weakness."

If you want to experience what's of him, he says "step off the cliff".

Lose your life. Give it up. Let go of it.

Abandon it all.

God is not going to push you off the cliff. He's simply brought you to this point.

It's up to you whether you look at all this pain and shit as a blame-God mirage, a woe-is-me party, an excuse to try and rid the pain by absorbing yourself into what the world is offering you, or whether you'll see it for what it is: the idea that we must step off, fall and die, leaning on nothing but the words that upon doing so you'll find something that to this point is an abstract concept.

And that's where the rubber meets the road in this. Jesus is either who he says he is, or he is the biggest liar and snake oil salesman in the history of the world. It's one or the other.

His words about losing life before finding it, THAT is what we are faced with.

If you're going to find out, it's not going to be by doing or following what the Church is telling you is "Christianity".

It's going to be by stepping off the cliff, which is only one of several options, because the world and friends and church are telling you other things besides this.

One more thing I must say honestly. Stepping off the cliff is not a one-time thing.

There will be other steppings off the cliff. None of them fun. None enjoyable. All painful. Wrenching.

I love you.

Your friend

the Clean Bathroom Society

We've all been there.

That roadside gas station potty break somewhere along a trip. Or maybe just an impromptu jaunt to the bathroom at a restaurant during a meal.

Just as unpredictable as our bladders is the state of the bathroom.

The first senses that perk upon entering are usually sight and smell.

Are stray paper towels on the ground? What about random pieces of toilet paper?

Check. None or minimal.

Good.

How does it smell in here? Maybe an auto-timed refresher goes off every x number of minutes. Maybe it smells like bathroom cleaner or disinfectant. Or maybe our concern is just the absence of the smell we hope is NOT in there...

Check.

Whew. All good signs, or at least the absence of bad signs in this place.

We edge to the bathroom stall door, which though unoccupied is almost shut.

And then...we see it.

The sight that repels us as humans more than most others.

It might even induce the gag reflex among some of us.

The sight that makes us gasp "Oh my God"...if we aren't dry heaving, that is.

It's the proverbial Holy Shit bathroom stall. Literally.

There is no water in the toilet. All that is 'down in there' is a mass of feces and toilet paper.

It's so bad it makes your heart cringe for whoever's going to have to right the wrong.

Some are worse than others.

Sometimes the dung is not restricted to the toilet itself.

(I can't speak for you ladies' restrooms. Maybe the uncool in a ladies' room never reaches this level.)

I bring this up because I walked into the worst one I've ever walked into about a month or so ago.

I'll spare any more details. Save it to say it was horrible. I don't get grossed out at all, and even I was saying "wow".

The first thing I did upon seeing it was hope that the other remaining stall in that bathroom was not in similar shape.

It wasn't.

That same day the thought struck me about what happened.

It is human nature to turn up the nose, to shout "oh my God!", to curl the nose and think rottenly and nauseatingly of the scene.

Yes, we are a Clean Restroom Society.

We like things clean. We like them tidy. We like things to smell good and be comely.

We don't like filth. We don't like stench.


Thinking through that reinforced something.

Made me think of something that is not clean and dainty and pleasant, as human beings would prefer it.

Something that stinks, filled with rotten filth.

It doesn't fit within the confines of what people are willing to tolerate, what we're comfortable seeing or enduring.


And so what do we do?

One of several things.

The first thing is immediately seek a different bathroom stall. Outta there, man--pihChhooon!! (or whatever Looney Tunes noise you'd like to insert)

We don't like dysfunction. We don't like disgusting. We don't like icky.

It's natural for us to walk the other way.

Quickly.

And that's what I've run into. Largely treated like a leper by most folks.

Works for me. They've got a real high chance of being a Clean Bathroomer anyway.

If they can't immediately excuse themselves, they do their best not to let the lip curl while talking right there.

If by chance they can suppress the lip curl, though, they usually can't contain the look-over-the-shoulder, the dumb stare or the head shake as they walk away.

Second way of dealing with it: find another bathroom.

Not only do they look immediately for another stall or bathroom, they wish me to find another one too.

"Find another stall. Surely it can't be God's will that THIS be your stall in life. Jesus has a nice, shiny spotless stall right over here, see?"

"Did you know Jesus died so that you could have a clean stall?"

"God has a wonderful stall for your bowel movement." (aka, "God has a wonderful plan for your life")

(sidebar: next time someone feeds you the 'wonderful plan' gunk, reply back with the 'wonderful stall/BM' line)

"You just tell the devil to go back to his stall. This is not your stall."

"You just claim a clean stall, and God will give you one."

To mention that if I'll pray more, God will provide me a clean(er) stall.

If I'll plug into a church, God will give me a clean(er) stall.

Perhaps worse than this, which royally pisses me off to no end, is having people tell me to mentally imagine the shitty stall is not real.

"You just need to rise above this stall."

"Don't focus on this stall."

"When I think of you, brother, I think of the nice, sanitized stall God is going to give to you."

"Let Jesus lift you up to another stall."

"Think about the good stalls."

"Whatever stall is clean, whatever stall is pure...think on these stalls."

"God give you clean stall." (aka "God bless you", aka "God be nice to you")

These comments, I think, are the worst of all, because they bid me to pretend. They bid me to a world of make-believe. They bid me to ignore my heart. They bid me to be an actor.


I mentioned a few weeks ago about just puking my way through life. A friend came on and commented that though they hate to see my puking, it is so easy for them to stay beside me, handing me a glass of water or a wet towel for my forehead.

That's friendship.

That's Jesus, folks.

To follow, I think, is entering shitty stalls.

Not being fake. Just being there.

There are friends who are in here with me in mine. Not because they have to. Not because their own stalls are stenchy or oh-my-Goddish. But because they look beyond their own circumstances to the heart of a friend.

Jesus reaches a point with his disciples when he says "I no longer call you servants...now I call you friends."

How many of us have ever said to a friend "you can be in my foxhole any time".

I have.

And yet how many of us hesitate, or turn back, when that friend's foxhole reeks of dung.

And yet that dung is their current lot, their test, their hardship, their wilderness for a season, or longer.

I've done this. To my shame. To friends, to strangers, to the robbed man on the side of the road...

To angels.

To Jesus.

It's human nature to turn away.

It's of Jesus to jump down in.

If we would quit talking about being an "oasis of love" on our church websites, and actually get in the shit trenches with people, wow.

It is these nasty, unbecoming circumstances Jesus talks about when he says he is with us and won't forsake us.

And, it's been my experience, these crappy places (by human standards and appearance) are where He shows up, where He does blow the mind, supernatural stuff. The unexplainable. The miracles. The drop your jaw stuff.

He does things opposite the world.

Where pomp and order and cleanliness and showmanship and pizzazz and glitz and sizzle are? Jesus isn't...or at least not in the way he's Wizard of Ozzed to be there.

I was in a restaurant tonight and saw the name of a tv show flash on the screen. The name of the show: "The Most Beautiful Ugly".

Yeah, that's what following Jesus is...the ugly beautiful.

That's why He's not a member of the Clean Bathroom Society.

by their fruit you will know them

A few days ago I sent a comment/prayer-request to a megachurch.

I gave them a summary of my life's dips since the beginning of last year, and asked them their take on it.

After pasting a canned-text blurb about their church, proclaiming that theirs is a type of faith "that overcomes, and is not overwhelmed, dissuaded or defeated in any area of life", the reply from them ended with this personal snippet:

"our purpose is teach people to live by the Bible and the principles found in it, which will help them overcome in every area of their lives. God bless! webmaster"

Hmmm....

So I wrote back:

"do x and y will be the result.

Someone recently talked to me about the Way (as they referred to it) being about being fathered by God himself, not adhering to a list of principles (aka laws, codes, precepts).

They said following laws in the Old Testament is equivalent to people today following principles.

Living by laws (now called principles), they said, was scrapped by God a long time ago. Yet you're saying it IS about living by principles (formerly called laws).

Hmmm. Maybe that's why I can't get any synthesis from the various people I am inquiring of.

Real life for people not hovering inside a brick & mortar cocoon transcends formulas, which is why the Body largely talks out of their ass when formulaic approaches are trumped by God himself.

It's also the basis for hollow, empty comments which show the unrelatablity of 'church' to train-wrecked and piss-stained lives like mine. Wow."

So my response back to the webmaster is a microcosm of what I express on my blog. Transparent, straight up, wounded and wondering what the hell the Church is doing (cause it sure ain't about applying the salve of God). Disgust that the Church is largely dispassionate and self-absorbed inside their sanctimonious bubble.

Okay, to some of you this will be a surprise, and to some of you not.

Here is Sphincter Boy's reply back to me. Direct quote within the parentheses is exactly the response.

"James 1:14-26:

14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 18But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. 19You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder. 20You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? 21Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,"[e] and he was called God's friend. 24You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone. 25In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging tothe spies and sent them off in a different direction? 26As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

Luke 6:46-49
46 Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? 47I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. 48He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."

That was the reply. No dialogue. No conversation.

Just throw a couple of Scriptures out, after a kneejerk lightning-quick search on biblegateway, and voila, the wounded inquirer is put in his place, to be heard of no more. Oh, that is unless he decide to start REALLY following Jesus.

I bet if I joined their church's "Believers Club" for $60 per month I woulda gotten a different reply.

Par for the fucking course.

Some might wonder if I just make up this ire out of my ass.

No, I do actually put transparent hurt out there to Christianity.

I'm not heckling, I'm just being honest that largely the Church couldn't give a fucking rip about people like me.

Like I've been saying a long time, if you don't fit the victory or blessing mold, or don't line up within "acceptable" behavior or language as determined by the World Honorable Organization of Righteous Eclectics Society, then you're the wounded robbed man on the side of the road outside Samaria.

Not so much even an "I'm sorry to hear of what's been your lot. I don't have an answer for what's happened to you, nor can I excuse what the Church has done, or more accurately, failed to be to you. I'm simply sorry."

Nope.

Gotta use Scripture and in essence say "fuck you, vermin."

Well, he got that part right. I am effed, and I am vermin by not only the world's standards but also by the Body's.

Interesting how in the very Scripture he threw in my face he said "I will show you my faith by what I do."

Yes, you have shown me you and your church's faith by what you have done.

Loud and clear, you have shown me.

Jesus, thank you that You are not like people who claim to be Yours.

truth be told

another one stokes the fire...

Okay, before I go any further, the following is NOT preaching the choir, so to anyone who follows Jesus, this isn't for you.

Further disclaimer, this is simply a raw expression of the human heart.

If you have any prudish or propriety tones coursing through your veins, you ain't gonna like this, so please just take a break today and come back tomorrow.



ATTENTION ALL HAPPINESS AND BLESSING LEMMINGS OF THE EARTH.

YES, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU SPEND THE BRUNT OF YOUR TIME, EMOTIONS AND ENERGY PURSUING HAPPINESS AND EARTHLY BLISS IN ITS VARIOUS FORMS.

AND YOU ACHIEVE SOME OF THIS TEMPORARY EMOTION. SOME MORE THAN OTHERS.

IF YOU ARE A 'CHRISTIAN' WHO DOES THIS SAME THING, YOU THINK BY CALLING IT "BLESSING" INSTEAD OF "HAPPINESS" THAT IT MAKES IT INNOCENT AND YOU SOMEHOW HAVE GOD'S FAVOR IN WHAT YOU DO.

ATTENTION, ACHTUNG, ATENCION!!!

YOU ARE BLIND.

YOU ARE FUCKING BLIND.

YOU ARE A SNIPE HUNTER.

YOU ARE CHASING A MIRAGE, AN APPARITION, A PSEUDO-STATE.

YOU'VE BOUGHT A LIE, AND DAMN ANYONE WHO GETS IN YOUR WAY OF PURSUING IT.

YOU DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE HEARTS YOU BLUDGEON THROUGH YOUR BLIND PURSUIT.

YOU GET TO ROMP OVER WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT IN YOUR NARCISSISTIC QUEST, BUT GOD FORBID ANYONE DARE TO SAY ONE WORD TO YOU...TELL YOU EITHER NICELY OR STERNLY YOU ARE A LOST, SELFISH, HYPEREMOTIONAL BAG OF AFTERBIRTH.

GO READ YOUR FUCKING BIBLE ABOUT WHAT JESUS SAYS THE STATE OF THE HEART IS IN THOSE WHO PURSUE DIVORCE. THEN READ A LITTLE MORE, THE PART OF THE NT WHERE IT TALKS ABOUT PEOPLE FORSAKING JESUS AND TURNING BACK FROM FOLLOWING HIM.

THIS IS YOU.

YOU ARE SPITTING IN GOD'S FACE IN THIS HOUR. TELLING HIM AND HIS WAYS TO FUCK OFF.

YOUR HEART IS FULL OF REBELLION, WHICH THE BIBLE SAYS, VERY BLUNTLY, IS WITCHCRAFT.

YES, WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS BLESSED BY SATAN. SATAN LOVES WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

SATAN LOVES YOU, FRIEND.

YOU ARE OF HIS CAMP IN THIS.

"HE WHO IS NOT WITH ME IS AGAINST ME."

"THE THIEF COMES ONLY TO STEAL, KILL AND DESTROY."

YEAH, YOU KNOW THESE. THEY HAVE COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH BEFORE IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS.

DID YOU SAY THEM WITH THE ALL TOO COMMON CUTE LITTLE HALF-BAKED CHRISTIAN SMILE ON YOUR FACE? THAT LIMP SMILE AND YOUR HALF-ASS, HOLLOW TONE YOU HAD WHILE SAYING THEM? FRUIT THAT THIS WHOLE CHRISTIANITY THING IS LIP SERVICE. THEN AND NOW.

"THEY HONOR ME WITH THEIR LIPS, BUT THEIR HEARTS ARE FAR FROM ME".

"THE MALICIOUS DISGUISE THEMSELVES WITH THEIR LIPS".

I HOPE GOD BREAKS YOU. I PRAYED EXACTLY THAT TONIGHT, THAT HE BREAKS YOU. I PRAY HE LAYS YOU FLAT OUT ON YOUR EFFING BACK. CAUSE YOU NEED TO BE.

AND IF HE DOES IT, IF HE DOESN'T HAVE IT TO BE THAT YOU GET ALL THE SLACK YOU WANT TO DO YOUR LITTLE PIG-HEADED SELFISH BULLSHIT AND TAKE HEARTS WITH YOU IN THE PROCESS, HE'LL DO IT OUT OF LOVE. YEAH, L-O-V-E IS AT THE ROOT OF HIM SMACKING YOU.

OH, AND IF BY GOD'S PLEASURE, YES HIS PLEASURE NOT YOURS, SHOULD HE LET YOU TAKE THIS SLACK OUT IN ACTION TO THE END OF YOUR SELFISH FULFILLMENT, REMEMBER THAT MERCY AND SOWING & REAPING ARE NOT ALWAYS INTERCONNECTED.

I HOPE YOU GET LAID OUT BY GOD BEFORE YOU FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THIS, FOR MANY PEOPLE'S SAKE, INCLUDING YOUR'S AND EVERYONE YOU WILL TAKE THROUGH HELL WITH YOU.

I'M SORRY TO SEE YOUR EMBRACING A LIE. BUT IF YOU DO, YOU DO.

GOD SMACK YOU, FRIEND.

DON'T INSULT ANY OF OUR INTELLIGENCE BY WISHING GOD'S BLESSING ON ANY OF US OR YOURSELF.

PART OF THIS LIE IS YOU SOMEHOW THINK GOD SMILES ON YOU IN LIGHT OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

GOD SAYS VERY OPENLY HE HATES WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

a tune that came to mind this morning...

oh, Lord, I just can't see
The cherries ever lining up for me

I'm not resigned to pull Your arm
......

For if I'll give that arm a go
What You can do I just don't know

I've come to see that less is more
And after saying that I was shown the door

So grant me less and kill me please
That's when I feel the Breath and breeze
That others will not ever feel
Yet they're the ones living in Your will

not the contender

My television tastes are highly boring. Not extensive. Nor is my movie knowledge, really, or music knowledge for that matter.

Anyway.

I've been watching some portion of this tv series where boxing aspirers are vying for a chance to legitimately contend for a world boxing title.

There's a predictable format to the show. They show the pre-fight interviews and prep. The fight itself. They show the losing boxer walking solo heading back to his locker room. Then they show both the winning and losing boxers in their respective locker rooms.

The last two times I've watched this show, it has stirred me to tears.

Not upon the announcement of the winner of the fight.

Not during the post-fight locker room clips.

What has stirred me is watching the losing boxer walking away right after the match, alone in defeat.

stark

I ran across a song this weekend that I hadn't heard in a while.

Upon listening to it and looking up the lyrics, it caused some heavy thinking about the stark contrast between the real life shit that people deal with...compared to the "let's lift our hearts up as a banner of sweet fragrance unto the Lord" stuff.

Below is real life for some people who live outside the Pat Boone, sweet, warm cocoon of Churchianity.

And the sad thing is that Churchianity is marketed as "the answer", for both the people below as well as the millions who live somewhere else along the spectrum.


"We've all seen a man at the liquor store beggin' for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dread-locked, and full of mange
He asks the man for what he could spare, with shame in his eyes
"Get a job you fucking slob," is all he replied
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said, "Don't worry about a thing baby doll,
I'm the man you've been dreaming of."
But 3 months later he say he won't date her or return her calls
And she swears, "God damn, If find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls."
then she heads for the clinic and
she gets some static walking through the door
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner
and they call her a whore
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose

I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I've heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the downside of up
And everything between
I've licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
And smoked the finest green
I've stroked the daddies dimes at least a couple of times
before I broke they heart
You know where it ends, yo, it usually depends on where you start

this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late
get shit-faced and keep the pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight and Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45, talked some shit, and wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of this pain
You know it crumbles that way
at least that's what they say when you play the game
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose"

yes...

I'm more thoroughly convinced than ever.

Eff this place.

Don't bless this country. Judge it. Judge us, Lord.

"God Judge America!"

I got my hand raised. I'll go first.

Judge me some more.

Give me some more on the chin.

Kill me in eighteen thousand more ways.

Judge every single last one of us.

Show us the lip service we give You.

Let us live our own shallowness.

Our hearts are far from You.

Reckon unto us as in times past.

Let us writhe in our own vomit.

Let us lay in our own blood and afterbirth.

Bring us to death.

Then clean us.

dichotomy

I'm blessed because my spirit is poor (aka, ripped to shreds).

You're blessed because life is going well.

I'm blessed because I mourn.

You're blessed because you have and claim "victory in Jesus" in ALL things.

I'm blessed because I am meek--I have no options.

You're blessed because you have options.

I'm blessed because I thirst for righteousness.

You're blessed because you are righteous.

reminder

"I could wish you joy and peace
To last a whole life long,
I could wish you sunshine
Or a cheerful little song,
Or wish you all the happiness
That this life could bring...

But I wish You Jesus more than anything.

I could wish you leaves of gold
And may your path be smooth,
I could wish you treasures
Or that all your dreams come true,
And I could wish you paradise,
That every day be spring...

But I wish You Jesus more than anything.

'Cause when I wish you Jesus
I've wished you everything."

thin shell II

Here's another largely accepted line that is embraced and cooed over by much of the Body:

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

This is par for the weak, feeble, shallow course.

Saw this on a church marquee about five months ago.

I don't think I've ever come across one single person who didn't smile, nod or glibly affirm this statement.

And here's the question.

I can understand that comment when life gives you lemons.

But what is your comment when life deals out pig diarrhea or goat vomit?

Tick, tick, tick.

Buehler?

Buehler?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

You largely have no answer, body of Christ. You just want to stay on the skim surface of life.

You try and paste this cutesy little phrase onto everything, literally, and the Truth is you have no effen clue what to do when people experience train-wreck emotions in life.

In the past year and a half, with shit compounding nonstop, you, Body, have wanted to just skim the surface with me and blindly thought (hoped?) that your little hollow little cliches would have any value.

Well, they have had value. Negative value of the piss off variety, leading me to go to God and say "these folks claim Your name, so why are they so blind and clueless in terms of their 'ministry'?"

You think that just because you inscribe the name of Jesus on the band-aids you run around putting on people's wounds that that's going to have some kind of Jesus-based magic fairy dust effect.

Please do me a favor.

Leave the name of Jesus out of what you are doing. And leave Scripture out too.

Cause what you are doing takes the Lord's name in vain more than my language.

The word vain means empty. And your hollow cackling is empty. My expressions are raw, honest emotions from within--the reality that the life of a follower of Jesus is not peaches and cream.

I don't give a rat's ass about your eyes bulging out and your jaw gaping when you hear the adjectives and expressions that come from within my heart. I'm letting the impurities rise to the surface--not veiling them in some societally or church-induced etiquette.

You see, I have decided to be a transparent follower of Jesus. And when you blurb out your "out of the heart the mouth speaks" scriptures about my language, you are just scratching the surface of truth.

The only thing you are able to recognize from that is that there is something going on with me.

And that's as far as you can go.

What you can't put your finger on, what you simply know is "something", is called poison.

There is poison in my heart.

And you have no clue, Body, what to do with this.

My transparency about the poison makes you uncomfortable.

You're more concerned with my choice of adjectives than you are with the anguish and the shit I'm enduring in this farce called life.

And so in these moments of discomfort you kneejerk.

When the kneejerk happens, out come the cliches, platitudes and scriptures.

Out comes your lemonade comment, that infinite pearl of effing wisdom.



For a long time I made the mistake of remaining in contact with local wounders of the heart.

I was stupid enough to think "maybe they'll come around, maybe they'll get it".

Survey says?

Ehhhh!!

One friend, who is an exception to this circus ministry, has a theory about what's going on.

He says "you know, I think there is a religious spirit that follows you around, and he hops on whoever it is you're talking to."

I think he's right. As time goes on, man do I think he's dead on about this.

Cause I have no problem telling a demon to fuck off, and that's exactly what I've felt like saying time and time and time again.

That and I've also thought of saying "you're joking, right? You can't be serious. I mean, you're a Christian for Christ's sake, and THAT is what you have to say?"

Maybe I should stop being so "nice" to people, and be transparent not only about what is going on in "life" but also about the glaring and excruciating shallowness of most of the Body.

I've resigned that any noticeable percentage of the Body is going to learn how to deal with real life issues of those around them who hurt.

I will be the guinea pig of blind stabs in the dark no more.