the Marketing Committee

There was once a people who knew everything.

They knew it all, and let others know they knew it all. They wrestled with how they could communicate they knew it all, for the course they followed indicated they should be humble.

They wrote books about their knowledge. They charged forward with their supreme knowledge.

People began to ask questions, and to stump them. Whenever they were stumped, they gurgitated that what they embraced was sometimes mysterious.

Eventually, they started catching flak for saying they knew it all. They were viewed as know-it-alls, and increasingly their tails became tucked between their legs. They were getting bad publicity.

So they called a committee meeting.

"What are we going to do?", they asked. "We DO know it all, but we do our best to shroud this as 'you should choose to join us'. Whatever is happening, fewer people are coming through our doors. We are not supposed to decline. We are supposed to always increase. For example, we are a member of the Ecclesiastical Jurisdiction of Higher Ground Always Abounding Assemblies Inc.. Decline is not in the mantra of our ruler. It is NEVER our ruler's will than ANYTHING die. We must, we must, we must increase or bust!"

"Well," spoke up one person there, "we must do something different. And since our ruler only wants us to increase and do so in over-the-top, er, I mean powerful ways, I suggest a new marketing scheme. This new marketing campaign will be radically different. We will market from the opposite extreme from how we have been. This new way will bring people who had never considered us before, and will make our naysayers think we have changed."

"What do you mean?", asked the others. "Please, tell us more about your vision. You must be anointed, for what you makes us giddy at the thought of stopping this decline."

"Okay", said the one, "let's look at it. Instead of toning down the fact that we know everything, let's instead go to the opposite extreme and pretend we know nothing!"

"What?!?", the others exclaimed. "How can this be?!?!?"

"Look", said the one, "we must change our marketing techniques. We are getting hammered for saying we know it all. We do know it all, but saying so is killing us. If we go to the opposite extreme, and claim to know nothing, this will get people to come in again. We still know everything, but we will give off the appearance we don't so that people will come. Then when they come, we will then show them that we know it all."

The others gulped. "You mean, like a Trojan horse? It's a technique, a trickery?", asked one.

"Yes", said the anointed one. "Our objective is to get in, or in this case get them in. We will then show skill and cunning akin to the crusaders of our cause many centuries ago, except we will be smashingly more successful. Our predecessors wielded swords and long bows, but we have video projectors, air conditioning, PowerPoint, wireless microphones, praise bands and every conceivable program man's mind can conceive. We will also have the advantage of some other unspoken things which you will be told later. Our ruler will be pleased with our numbers. We will be fulfilling his charge to always be victorious in increasing measure like never before!"

"We are not so sure", claimed the others. "There must be more to this."

"There is", said the anointed one. "Here is something else that makes this foolproof. We are being slammed for being pious. Through this new marketing scheme we will claim to know nothing. This will give the impression that we have changed, that we are now humble. This will make people like us NOW. We must be getting bigger. Our ruler is displeased. We must abandon the idea of telling others that we know it all. We must come with a new message."

"Well", the others said, "you're right. It is about more, for our ruler always and forever wants it that way. He has said so in the memos that he has sent out. There were numerous memos along the way which indicated that our ruler actually prefers less, but we have discarded those and are solely focusing on the memos where he says increase is the way.

And you are right, we have taken a black eye for saying we know it all. This scheme will allow us not to come across as pious. We will entice people to come in via false humility, and once they're in we will love them patiently for a little while. If after a period of time they do not embrace our ways, then we will begin to gradually pressure them to become one of us or else. There are standards and timelines and codes of integrity we must uphold. Our ruler says we must not bend. We are to fight if necessary. We call this 'take a stand'. Yes, yes. This is brilliant."

And so they voted, and the new marketing initiative passed by a large margin. There were a few dissenters, but they were drowned out, and not too long thereafter were kicked off the committee.