thin shell of truth around a big fat lie

I read something a few weeks ago that both saddened me and fired me up. (That's pretty much most things in life.)

It was a cutesy little saying, complete with a picture of a diaper-wearing baby...used as a prop to try and innocent-ify and justify the lie in the words.

The phrase was "smile even when you're sad, cause you never know when someone is going to fall in love with your smile".

Hey Charlie, got news for you, when I'm sad that means something in life is ripping the fuck out of my heart.

That means I've got anguish and turmoil going on.

And you're telling me to ignore my heart?

You're part of the mask crowd.

You want a smile, when someone is going through shit.

Hmmmm. This is why it is said "man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart".

You, Mr./Mrs. Christian, are telling others the outside is what counts.

Why are you, who do this and claim Jesus, encouraging people to live a lie?

Doing all they can to make others think they are what they are not.

Not in terms of their beliefs, but rather in terms of their heart.

Some use the name of God and/or Jesus to justify forcing a "happy veil" upon themselves. And others.

May it somehow sink in that God is zero percent into facade and fakery.

He knows the condition of our mind and emotions. Our hearts.

Why, then, spend wasted time trying to convince yourself (and God, and others) that your heart is A when God clearly knows it's B?

God is more honest about your heart than you are.

And there are others who pick up on it too.

Wonder if it's ever crossed the mind that even nonbelievers can see through the pretending. That they can see through the charade though not as "spiritual".

Their skepticism, I think, is welcomed by God. They have a nose for the Truth...they just don't know it. Don't care to know it cause they're turned off by what they're seeing.

And God appreciates that.

Jesus very plainly says "you will know them by their fruit".

Have we paused to ponder that we're known by our fruit too...

You see, in the attempt to be sweet and compassionate and positive (and in this case, cutesy about someone's damaging experiences), what is really happening is their heart is being steamrolled.

When someone is hurting, or bludgeoned, why try to inject your happy-clappy b.s. into them?

That's exactly what the cutesy little statement says: ignore the reality of the heart, and "be happy".

How callous, you who claim to have the compassion of Jesus.

How self-centered, you who don't want your positive little world disrupted by others' pain.

Do you know not know (y)our Savior is the Man of Sorrows?

I know. That doesn't fit the bill of your Sunday morning, riled-up, rah-rah portrait of Jesus.

You go on, now.

Keep doing your Jesus-frenzy b.s..

I'm going to sit over here with some folks.

A girl whose heart is being ripped in two by a broken home.

A heavyset lad who gets the 'fatty' business at school.

A lady who just lost her daughter in a car accident.

A man who just became a paraplegic while riding a motorcycle.

A man whose wife left him for an old high school boyfriend.

A girl who just became pregnant.

A guy who just lost his job and has five mouths to feed.

A lady just diagnosed with serious cancer.

I have no idea what to say.

I hope I don't say a word. I hope I'm at a total loss.

What I pray happens is that the Holy Spirit falls down, and as a result God allows my mind and heart to literally feel what His heart is about their situation.

If this takes place there will be a lot of tears shed.

There will be no "how is your prayer time and Bible reading" interrogation.

Why not?

Cause Jesus knows suffering.

Cause not everything Jesus does centers around black and white ink.

Cause there's a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Life is not all about dancing.

Please quit acting like it is.

Please.

There will be plenty of time for dancing in eternity.

For now, why don't we care about people's lives, WITHOUT pouring out Christianese hollowness left and right out of our mouths?


Start looking at the fruit.

Get on the same page as Jesus.

It's not a place filled with pleasantries.

Or velvet-pillowed pews.


It's going to stink.

There is no glamour in getting knee, waist or neck high in the vulture vomit of life.

The world doesn't give recognition or medals for this.

The more anonymity the better.


This is a far cry from what is comfortable for Christians.

Many are content with the "fall in love with a smile" quote at the beginning, not getting down into hell with someone in pain.

if you like, just keep singing "if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands" with the 3-year olds in Vacation Bible School.

Teaching them at an early age to wear the mask...

Getting them well-trained to later in life be part of the "Bless God, brother, doing fine, God is good all the time" crowd.

Who cares if people are drowning in the vomit of life.


It's hard to find those who embrace raw honesty.

It's hard to find those who have compassion stemming from God himself.

Particularly in church.

Why don't we break the mold, and become this for people?

Not by our own doing. But let's hit the Throne and ask God to shatter our paradigms.

Ask Him to show us a new way.

One that does not lead to death.

today's misc

For some time now (as if it's any small secret) I have had a growing uneasiness within the Body.

A look around seems to reflect a baby-fied Body. As if we're to live tiptoe-on-eggshell lives (toward each other and toward those not of the Way).

Any message communicated is supposed to be positive, and warm, and cozy, and encouraging, and uplifting, and edifying, and...aren't we all familiar wtih this?

Earlier today I read Ezekiel 16.

Wow, was that ever refreshing. God told His own how He had taken them at birth, writhing in the blood of their own afterbirth, and cleaned them up. As they grew, God himself adorned them with clothes and other things of His. Because of this, they had grown into something of great value and beauty. They were "blessed" (God, I hate that word).

As time wore on, they used this God-given beauty for self-indulgent ends, spitting on God and going to such lengths with the indulgence that even ungodly people were cleaner in God's eyes than them.

What did God do? Say "Oh, it's okay, just return to Me and I'll bless you. It's okay. You're still young and growing. I am patient, I am kind. I am tender and merciful"?

No.

Did God whip out a "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, to bless you...to give you a hope and a future"?

Sort of. First He said they were going to reap what they had sown. In saying this, God was not reserved, had no hidden meanings in describing what the reaping was going to be.

It was graphic. And dismal. And fierce. And deadly.

God pulled no bones about it.

He didn't sugar coat what He said.

He was straight up. And angry.

There would be reconciliation afterward. At that later time God would extend a covenant to them and they would know that He is the Lord.

When God puts someone on their back, He leaves little doubt.

I know this, for I have lived it.

And am still living it.

I drifted from Him, and it grew from nonchalance into bedrocked, calcfied, stiff-necked apostasy.

To the point I told Him I thought I'd gone past the point of no return.

That based on my own assessment of my heart, and what I was living, that I had absolutely no desire, no drive, no fire, no whatever to intercourse with Him anymore.

My neck was stiff. And I knew it.

And I was honest with God that it was stiff. Unbending.

I mean, duh, He knew it, but what does a parent do when their child says "I've run away, and I don't figure you want me back. I have no intention of coming back.

There's no point to your keeping a spot open for me at the dinner table. I don't belong. I don't desire to come back. I admire the family, always will, but from a distance.

I don't fit in, so why don't you just cut your losses? Don't concern yourself anymore. I was part of the family, but I'm not around amymore. Haven't been for years. Postcards are fine, but we're pretty much past much else."

That's in a nutshell what I told God.

I had no interest in His ways. Not to the point of being willing to forsake what I'd become bedrocked in.

Want to send a postcard or letter? Fine.

Want me to come back? Thanks for offering, but no thanks.

Let's just call it a draw. Y'all go do your thing, I'll do mine.


I was content to be lost. That's all there was to it.

I was living Ezekiel 16.

Taken something God had authored and used it for self-indulgence to the hilt. No rules. Full steam ahead.

I have been on the business end of God's anger, and it ain't pretty.

It laid my entire being out on my back.

Naked. Exposed. Shamed.

Stung. Chafed. Smitten. Raw.

These words are a joke. They don't even begin.

But here is the nugget amidst it all.

Amidst the marrow-piercing anguish? Love.

It doesn't matter what face God is showing us at any given moment.

Underneath the face, whatever it may be, at the core: love.

I know Ezekiel 16.

I know what it is to reap. I know what it is to be the object of God's anger.

But even in the most godless moments of my life there has been honest communication with Him.

The conversation above, I really had with Him. Thought I was past the point of no return, so why bother?

He bothered because of His love. Not His anger.

The face was anger, but c'mon, pleading for blind mercy when I purposely and defiantly shit in His face for years?

Sure He's merciful. But He's also just.

Which is it?

The answer is yes.

Just like Ezekiel 16.

Not far into the come-to-Jesus party (literally), a friend shared with me a similar passage to the one in Ezekiel.

This one also describes my situation, and God, to a T.

"Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame of your youth, and you shall not [seriously] remember the reproach of your widowhood any more. For your Maker is your Husband--the Lord of hosts is His name--and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; the God of the whole earth He is called. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken, grieved in spirit, and heartsore--even a wife [wooed and won] in youth, when she is [later] refused and scorned, says your God. 'For a brief moment I forsook you, but with great compassion and mercy I will gather you [to Me] again. In a little burst of wrath I hid My face from you for a moment, but with age-enduring love and kindness I will have compassion and mercy on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer.'"
(Isaiah 54, Amplified Bible)

So that's part of my story, folks.

I didn't write this post for any particular reason.

If you've read any of my back posts, you don't have to go far to see me scald the Positive Gospel and all the creampuff Christianity b.s. going around.

I've been smitten by God, my father. And I'm better for it.

Don't understand why this gets such a bad rap from people.

Sure it's going to hurt like hell. But do you just want to eat baby food forever?

Selah

Brillo

A brillo pad against the skin,
A hollow emptiness within,
Striking strong a foreign chord,
Polar from the healing Lord.

Ministry this cannot be--
Binding, when I should be free
To loose my heart and all within
And have the healing start again.

Healing softly touches wounds
And vanquishes the discord sounds
That smartly grate the spirit’s jewel
And leave red marks of rat-tailed towel.

Jagged glass and cuts abound.
Blinds and thickened scales around.
The toro signal strong and clear--
Water will not come from here.

amazing...

Took this photo myself this past weekend.


What a marketing ploy.

What a con job.

What a hoodwink.


What a crock of kimshi.

creampuff bullshit

Garbage by any other name is still garbage.

God is man

let's go ahead and admit it, why don't we?

We are gods.

We give the one true God lip service.

We have too many options.

We can do things ourselves.

We are so smart.

We are so advanced.

We have so much technology.

Who effing cares about what Jesus says.

Who effing cares about what God's illustrated in His book.

God works through man.

We "trust God to work through man".

We look to ourselves to inspire each other.

We look to each other for "encouragement".

We are who "bless" each other.

We heal ourselves.

Take a hike, God. We got it figured out.

We've seen what You've done, but we can do better because we have Power Point, and electricity, and knowledge, and experience, and "wisdom".

And education.

"Education is the key to the future". (Along with information, and "awareness", and "diversity")

All we need You for is to help us from hurricanes hitting us real hard again (where were You last year, by the way?), oh and please don't let the stock market go down. In Jesus' name, Amen.

We got the rest, thanks for offering though.

See ya!

I mean, Ya!

teach them young

to separate human wisdom from godly wisdom.

just the main dish, no side items please

I do not "keep up" with any Christian media of any kind. I have no interest in who the "in" or "rising" people are.

The American Body has its own version of this (as mainstream culture does), and I wholeheartedly couldn't care any less about either one of them.

And there's even more craw in my jaw about the Body doing this shit, cause the Man tells His folks not to show favoritism and they do it anyway. (And they laughingly excuse and "justify" themselves about this when called on the carpet about it.)

Whenever I browse around to read or hear other stuff, I usually have to sit through a marketing or favoritism plug (usually both) before getting to the meat of what I went there for in the first place.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine gave me a CD that had a great talk on it. First, though, I had to wade through 12 minutes and 43 seconds of some introductory guy going through all this other shit.

Yeah, and he was doing it in the stereotypical soft, little, dainty, Mickey-Mouse, "positive", warm, "inspiring", nice-guy Christian tone of voice.

When I go to any website (excluding most blogs) to see what other Followers, churches or people are doing, there HAS to be a Store or Shopping Cart option, doesn't there?

And some of the crap I see on these sites is worse than Shopping Network trinkets...by a long shot.

This being said, there are some of the folks I've gone to check out on the recommendations of friends who are solid. And some of them grate.

If they have any showmanship or false eloquence woven into their words or their tone, I'm outta there. Turn the knob. Click the back button. See ya.

I don't need to be "sold" on the Way. I'm in it. So just say what you're going to say, without putting any of your own pizzazzle in it, and let the Holy Spirit do with it what only He is to do--make something of it.

There is this permeating thought in the Body that we (humans) are to have anything to do with impacting people.

We're not.

To think we have a part in any message or event or whatever "moving" anyone, I think, is to err.

The more I look around what is going on in the Body there seems to be a swarm of "ooh, let me inject all this snazzy, societal stuff into Christianity, and then watch God do something with it."

To do this is to not even be in the same ballpark.

I hate seeing human thinking woven into things pertaining to God. Let God author it, otherwise don't do the damn thing.

Quit thinking I need to be convinced of anything.

And quit weaving human energy, human pizzazz and human 'wisdom' into Body stuff.

Let God be God.

What a freakin' concept.

blessing

I do not want to be (circumstantially) blessed.

Blessing loosens this tenacious grip on the spicket of living Water.


Blessing brings distance and separation.

And self-reliance.

Blessing gives the false illusion that I am creeping back onto the throne.

That life is to go as I tell the Man.


I do not want to be apart from Jesus.

I wish to consume him.

With no ketchup.


Besides, I'm already blessed.

It's just not in the way churchianity thinks...

groupthink

I'll never forget a class I took in college. Dr. Conrad, Tues/Thursday morning.

One of the things we talked about in class was a concept called "groupthink". I've never forgotten it, but had not thought of it in years.

In the last few months I've dusted the cobwebs off of it, for it seems to be alive and well. It's alive, I think, in American society and also within Churchianity.

I'm not much of a list person, lists have grown to grate against me, but I found this quite interesting above that grating.

Bear in mind, also, groupthink is a term developed in corporate America, so it's not saying it's a 'perfect fit' in every respect to the Body. In a general sense it does cause the eyebrows to raise...

GROUPTHINK

conditions leading to groupthink:

• low hope of a better solution than the one offered by the leader(s)

• high group cohesiveness

• the persuasive strength of the group's leader


symptoms of groupthink:

• illusion of invulnerability

• unquestioned belief in the inherent morality of the group

• collective rationalization of group's decisions

• shared stereotypes of outgroup, particularly opponents

• self-censorship; members withhold criticisms

• illusion of unanimity (false consensus)

• direct pressure on dissenters to conform

• self-appointed "mindguards" protect the group from negative information

throw and pierce

Throw your darts, Jesus.

They pierce the hearts of the King's enemies.

Your arrows are sharp.

Secure your sword on your thigh.

Ride on.

We know what the scepter of your Kingdom is.

one way or the other

God is going to show you that happiness is not what He's all about.

You are living your life fixated on that God-forsaken "h" word...and steamrolling hearts in the process.

With yourself on the throne of your own life, you live, act and breathe with every step toward perpetuating yourself as a god.

You wish to be God for yourself, and you wish to be a god to those around you.

Go ahead. You think there is an unlimited length rope on your life that God will never take up the slack on. "He'll never ever take up the slack on me. He is love. He is mercy. He is lovingkindness. He is forgiveness."

What a shame you are putting the cart before the horse. That book of His you swear some feign of loose (or zealous) allegiance to? Hmmm, let's see:


• God does not hear those who embrace and savor wickedness in their heart.

• The Lord is far from the wicked but hears those who are in good standing with Him.

• Any who is turning His ear away from what God is saying to them personally, their prayers are a stench to God.

• Those who implore God for help He hides his eyes from. They pray many, many times, but God doesn't hear because their hands are full of blood.

• God doesn't listen to those headstrong in wickedness.

• Those who ask God for things based on selfish or wicked motives will not get what they ask. The intention of the desires is to spend the "answered prayer" for sensual purposes and desires.


Let this sink in. Turn off the TV, get rid of all external noise and let this sink to the deepest marrow.

What's gonna come of this?

Are you going to keep playing the mask-game with other people, putting on a show to the world that you are what you are not?

"One word of rebuke to someone wise does more than a hundred lashes to the back of a fool."

Are you going to keep playing this game of imbeciles, doing well so far at fooling the world when in reality you're selfish, headstrong and out of control with your prayers and your desires? You couldn't be farther off His map than you are.

Boy, have you got a hard dose of reality forthcoming.

You think there's nothing that will keep you from continuing to laugh all the way to the physical and emotional bank.

Be blind. It is going to be a smack of shit when those scales are removed and life as you think God wants it perpetually for you gets shredded...by Him.

God is trying to love you out of who you are now.

When that fails He'll do it the hard way.

Wear all the Christian jewelry you want. God doesn't see it.

Babble all the prayers and society-induced Christianese slang out of your mouth you want. God doesn't hear it.

cup

"for I am already being poured out like a drink offering"

Interesting how seldom we speak to each other along these terms when "life" (small "l") brings what can subsequently spawn maturity.

There seems to be much obsession with eggshell-walking when hardship and trials are afoot.

And yet, the most powerful thing I've heard spoken in the midst of life's torrent is:

"when is any Christian going to come up to you and say, 'you know, you are being poured out like a drink offering. Crushed and pressed, just like a grape for wine'?"

This statement stirred me at a very deep root level, and even in the midst of embracing it I am still digesting it.

It pricks me, and stirs something mysterious yet powerful within, which I'm not tasting all of yet.

It's the kind of thing which impacts the paradigm about an entire season of life.

Or would that be life from here forward, period?

I just read last night when two were speaking with Jesus, and the subject arose they wished to be seated next to him in the next Life.

Jesus said "You don't know what you are asking. Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?"

When do we talk about drinking our bitter cup, so that we can "know Jesus, and the fellowship of his suffering, as to be continually transformed into his likeness, even unto death"?

What do we think our bitter cup is?

Disappointment that sister Betty Sue didn't make her special broccoli rice casserole at the latest church potluck?

Wonder as to why the church bought a new video projector instead of cushions for the metal fold out chairs in fellowship hall, which are always so cold and uncomfortable?

Disgust that we missed the latest episode of our favorite tv show?

Lament that the store was sold out of the latest gadget we wanted to buy for ourselves or someone else?

Tears from living beyond our means, and subsequently our resolve to keep up with the Joneses in some form or fashion is being eaten away?

Outcry at having to wait fifteen extra minutes before our hairdresser can get to us, because the person before us was late?

The list goes on...and on...and on.

Do we even know what bitter is?

Do we drink it when offered to us, that we might actually start to become like the guy we speak all warm and positively of, Jesus? (gasp)

"That I may know Jesus, and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death" (third notch of Phillipians).

This explains a lot.

I've been silently pondering for some time how much this has become a gospel of words and debate and posturing. Posturing, not power...

Dead-raising power ebbs into oblivion, cause we don't want to go through the same sufferings Jesus went through.

I wonder at what point he quit being the Man of Sorrows.

Or, better asked, at what point did the Body stop acknowledging him the Man of Sorrows?

We won't see power unless we take the bitter cup...

And drink.

When we we are the most empty and the least "ourselves", that is the point when power beyond our comprehension can be birthed.

Jesus says "My power is made perfect in your weakness".

So while we waste days and time and lives and energy seeking for the Ward and June Cleaver life, there's a guy who watches, eager to see if we're going to let our guard down.

See if we're going to quit playing the "I've got it together", "I'm blessed" facade game.

See if we're going to dare to actually and literally follow.

See if we would defy all human sense and propriety and talk to Him about what our own bitter cup might be.

See if we'd be willing to drink it.

See if we're willing to abandon ourself.

See if we're willing to cut bait.

See if we will embrace bitter, instead of command it out of our life in Jesus' name.

See if we're willing to die.

It is here when "the kingdom of God is near".

Do we even care?

Dare we let the shackles be removed. They're uncomfortable, yet largely not enough to matter.

And so we continue to be bats of Grombiton. Staring at the ground, wondering what the hell we have wings for, and never looking up to heaven.

antiwisdom

• any of us bent on saving our life will lose it

• through abandoning our life it can be found

• jaw-dropping power through weakness

• life via death

• teachers of God's Law (principles) lead others to become double sons of hell

• recognition comes through humility (not promotion or marketing)

• healing by spit

• be anonymous and you'll be the most recognized

• two swords is sufficient weaponry for a kingdom. A very powerful one at that.

• following a set of rules/principles/codes accomplishes nothing

• God's kingdom can't be found by carefully watching for it

• 20/20 vision doesn't mean one can see. In fact, there's a good chance one can't.

• don't let anyone know about the good being done. This is the great way.

• some insane-sounding dude offers you a trade. He says he wants your crap, your garbage, your pain, your sickness. That scum that's calcified at the bottom of the septic tank of your life for years? He wants that shit, literally. And in return offers a backpack so light it can hardly be felt. You think there've been some lousy stock market trades over the years? None of them is as lousy or crazy as this dude, who actually wants the stock that's tanked, drained and bankrupted us. He wants our shit stock (and it's not because he's selling short).

• success means being broken, crushed and poured out

• staunch rule-abiding is just as strong (or even stronger) a stench to God as loose living

• a camel passes through the eye of a needle easier than a rich man enters into God's kingdom. No, really.

• true wisdom and real life are foolishness to the human race (which we're a part of)

others?