God is going to show you that happiness is not what He's all about.
You are living your life fixated on that God-forsaken "h" word...and steamrolling hearts in the process.
With yourself on the throne of your own life, you live, act and breathe with every step toward perpetuating yourself as a god.
You wish to be God for yourself, and you wish to be a god to those around you.
Go ahead. You think there is an unlimited length rope on your life that God will never take up the slack on. "He'll never ever take up the slack on me. He is love. He is mercy. He is lovingkindness. He is forgiveness."
What a shame you are putting the cart before the horse. That book of His you swear some feign of loose (or zealous) allegiance to? Hmmm, let's see:
• God does not hear those who embrace and savor wickedness in their heart.
• The Lord is far from the wicked but hears those who are in good standing with Him.
• Any who is turning His ear away from what God is saying to them personally, their prayers are a stench to God.
• Those who implore God for help He hides his eyes from. They pray many, many times, but God doesn't hear because their hands are full of blood.
• God doesn't listen to those headstrong in wickedness.
• Those who ask God for things based on selfish or wicked motives will not get what they ask. The intention of the desires is to spend the "answered prayer" for sensual purposes and desires.
Let this sink in. Turn off the TV, get rid of all external noise and let this sink to the deepest marrow.
What's gonna come of this?
Are you going to keep playing the mask-game with other people, putting on a show to the world that you are what you are not?
"One word of rebuke to someone wise does more than a hundred lashes to the back of a fool."
Are you going to keep playing this game of imbeciles, doing well so far at fooling the world when in reality you're selfish, headstrong and out of control with your prayers and your desires? You couldn't be farther off His map than you are.
Boy, have you got a hard dose of reality forthcoming.
You think there's nothing that will keep you from continuing to laugh all the way to the physical and emotional bank.
Be blind. It is going to be a smack of shit when those scales are removed and life as you think God wants it perpetually for you gets shredded...by Him.
God is trying to love you out of who you are now.
When that fails He'll do it the hard way.
Wear all the Christian jewelry you want. God doesn't see it.
Babble all the prayers and society-induced Christianese slang out of your mouth you want. God doesn't hear it.
5 comments:
Amen. I am so sick of "happy" Christians. Jesus just musn't love me as much because I can't fake it til I make it. Right. He said take up your cross and follow me. It's gonna be a little painful, the cross. Are we supposed to carry it with a perpetual smile on our faces.
I had post partum with my second son. I went to the preacher at our church. He gives me the "Have you been praying and reading the bible...Do you have quiet time with God?" crap...Well yeah, but sometimes life sucks man...This is not an inoculation against life sucking. Sometimes my life sucks more because I can't go around doing my will all the time and I really want to. That is just no fun. So right on man!
your reply really strikes something within.
This blog was written unlike most others. It is a pointed expression from within me to one person who will never in the course of life read it. Instead of just writing it into a Word doc just for myself, I thought "what the hell, blog it", to give any stumblers across this site a glimpse of a heart simultaneously bludgeoned and fierce.
I wrote it simply to get more of that effen poison out.
The poison that oozes from within every day.
The poison which most "Christians" say shouldn't be there.
The poison which means I "maybe haven't given this over to God".
The poison which will disappear immediately and forever if I'll just "focus on Christ".
My experience with Jesus in the last eighteen months has been so diametrically opposite all the "encouragement" that goes around in Christiandom that I am done.
I'm done with Christianity. Absolutely done with it.
What they're saying, what they're advocating, what they're confessing, what they're claiming, what they're taking authority over, what they're telling to "go back to hell"...all that stuff, neither Jesus nor the Spirit nor Father has done or indicated with me (all three [or is that Three?] are involved in various parts of guiding, nudging and salving in this valley).
The things that Jesus himself has told me to do in the last year and a half would have me run out of most churches on a rail.
The freedoms He's given me to get through this? Would NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER be taught or even mentioned in a sermon or Sunday School or small/cell group.
Let me pause here. And talk to you.
I apologize for the trust you put into a "man of God" and he ended up figuratively slapping you in the face. I'm sorry.
I apologize for the "upstanding, loving, people who care" in the church(es) you've gone to, who just gave you a "Bless God, sister!" greeting and wanted to hear none of your heart. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for the "I'm fine" shit game Christians play daily/weekly, which simultaneously pierced you and steamed you.
I apologize for a Body who has absolutely no clue how to minister to someone going through train-wreck emotions. I'm sorry.
I apologize for the times you wanted to grab the phone and talk to a Christian who would simply listen, and who would just let you be totally transparent about your heart, your anger, your doubts, your everything--and there was no one you could call, because no one you knew would do this. I'm sorry.
These apologies are on behalf of God and His Spirit, and of course Jesus.
It crushed(es) them to see that shit happen. To you. To me.
They KNOW each heart. They know what salve is good. What salve is soothing.
And so these apologies are expressed on God's behalf. Because His heart gets bruised and aches every time He knows what we're needing in that hour and people, His of all, don't listen to His nudge.
I am so sorry.
I've lived this same rotten thing.
It has hurt like effen hell to learn truth in this. The truth that most folks are unrelatable.
Their concern only applies if you play the "I'm fine" shit game back to them.
Their "ministry" only comes into play when they ask how you are and your reply doesn't come out "I've had a rotten fucking week, how about you?"
It's no small secret I do a helluva lot of venting.
Well, damn it, if followers of Jesus actually get their nudging from Him instead of their self-, church- and society-concocted notions of what "relating" and "ministry" are...
And screw encouragement. I don't want ANY encouragement as defined by Christianity. That shit is kryptonite to my soul.
Thanks for stopping by. Your transparency is a breath of fresh air to hear, and your heart is welcomed here--whatever its state may be.
Thanks for saying that. You know what is so awesome about ebing "afflicted"... God has blessed me with a zero tolerance for bullshit in my life. I am free to love. I have embraced my sinfulness and that makes it easy to forgive the people who have really broken my heart and the christians who I thought I could expect compassion from. None of asked to be here. I am sorry for those that had a chance to love me and didn't. I have a friend and she was lonely and sad and had treid at faith but been disappointed. She needed Jesus to show up and he used me to love her and you know what? I am so blessed by her friendship. There are no words to describe the love we have, the sisterhood we share. They missed out on that. It really sucks to be them.
It took a long greiving process and I had to force myself to continue you going to church after I really didn't have any "want to" left. God has really blessed me with the some really great people recently through church. But you have to sort of kick through all that " smile while your heart is crying" crap. Once you do, you give everyone else the freedom to doit too. That is what scares so many christians about you doing it. Then they have to face their own pain and admit that Jesus does not equal spiritual prozac.
I comment surfed onto your site and
I know the answer for your ills Brother John33, you just need to pray harder and devote more quite time to God... THEN your life would be perfect!
ok.. j/k
I get tired of that lie too. No wonder ppl turn to God then walk away when they discover the promise the preacher gave of... "Give your life to Jesus today and your life will be wonderful for an enterinty" didn't exactly work as promised.
Crap still happens, life still happens, we still have emotions that spill out of us. And you know, its not just christians who don't REALLY want to know how you are doing when they ask "How are you doing?". Pretty much most of humanity really just wants a curtious "OK" or "Good and you?" reply.
I have discovered though through my life experiences, that going through crap with Jesus to talk to, lean on, or yell at and blame, sure has been... hmmm not neccesarliy easier... but different... more bareable...
Brian, thanks for stopping by, man.
Something you said sparked something a good friend said recently.
About a year ago he said he prayed not for a good or 'blessed' life (ugh, just to type that word is disconcerting...).
Rather, he prayed for a rich life (as in when one talks of rich soil or rich coffee, had nothing to do with money).
He desired for his life to be flavorful, savory.
Guess what?
A year of hell, slander, abandonment, ridicule, accusations and hostility.
And in the middle of it, he's gone much, much deeper with the Man. Prayer came about, things have been extremely rich...in the middle of shit.
I'm not a big fan of oh-yeah-well-let-me-trump-that stories. Suffice it to say, the last year and a half have been that too. Circumstantially the most putrid imaginable, and yet through it a tightness with the Man that draws ire and disbelief. Many "Christians" would NOT believe the things told, said and done this past year.
And I'm okay with that. They can have the shallow, hollow, superficial stuff. I want none of it. And it is not in me to be "nice" and quiet about the b.s. all around.
There's enough groupthink in this world w/o the Body joining right in--which it has, hook line & sinker.
Maybe the third death will bring some other things about. Who knows.
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