Every once in awhile you hear that someone has seen Jesus' face in a french fry or a spirit's face in a plume of smoke...
Driving along I-40 this morning I saw something.
I could swear when I saw this something in my spirit said "yeah, you're an asshole". heh heh
gotta love it...
7 comments:
LOL....
heh heh, yeah, it was quite funny.
Yet here's the deal, man. I think the overwhelming majority of the "Body" would say "oh, God would NEVER say that."
I disagree.
God can work with asshole, I think, much better than He can with creampuff-Jesus-praise-and-worship-mode-24-7 who has their head stuck so far up their ass they can't hear Him.
I have no other alternative. I'm not going to go hide my pain inside praise and worship.
Been there, done that. That's called masking. Pretending. Acting. That's the kind of stuff Jesus scathes...and yet how many people do that week in week out?
That's Jekyl and Hyde shit. Go look good at worship, and maybe even be into it, then on the drive home the real person resurfaces, who will struggle all week and scream at the kids and spouse and look at porn and commit emotional adultery with the co-worker and sneak a pack of breath mints from the convenience store, and do all kinds of stuff, until 10am that next Sunday morning when it's put on the Ward & June Cleaver masks and "yes, brother, I had a blessed week. God's anointing was strong this week. His favor is so awesome. I closed a big deal at work, hit my annual quota and the wife and I will be going to the tropics in January on the company's dime. God is so good."
I mean, come on, THAT versus someone like me who goes to God and says "I'm unquenchably angry, Lord. What's up with this?"
There's no pretend. Hell, that's me saying "yeah, I AM an asshole. You know it and I know it. What's goin' on?"
Last week in the middle of some situation I was fuming about it and grumbling out loud to myself. Out of nowhere the Holy Spirit says "Quit being so ornery."
Boy, that made me raise my eyebrows, more than anything because God has given me the freedom to express the poison within without reservation. He'll go long periods and let me hack and puke and gurgitate the stuff without Him saying anything.
I sat there for a few seconds, then very frustratedly said out loud "well, what do you want me to BE then?!?"
"Patient."
Boy, I did NOT like hearing that.
But this is my relationship with God is.
It's not this "always positive" thing where He and I just sit there and goochy-goochy-goo each other under the chin.
That's what Churchianity plays it up to be.
Not me.
I tell Him "I'm fuckin' pissed." Why? Because that's where I'm at. I tell Him my raw, honest heart.
That's what He wants. He doesn't want any airs put on. I think He hates that shit.
He doesn't sit there and chastise, correct or scorn me. He is about our raw hearts, not our word selection.
That's another reason why I quit going to Brickianity. Couldn't be transparent, man.
Doesn't that suck? You can't be gut honest in front of God and others, because the others are sitting there silently giving 'the business' about your transparency.
I am so glad the shackles are off, bro. Walking by man's standards of acceptability was suffocating me.
That last comment was DEAD ON man!
"I tell Him "I'm fuckin' pissed." Why? Because that's where I'm at. I tell Him my raw, honest heart."
I've expressed the same thing to Him a few times, in the exact same manner, and got a hug from Him in response. It's what draws me back to Him. If I can't be that honest with Him, then who can I be that way with? He welcomes it. He's never shocked.
What's worse?
A) A person who expresses their pain in an honest way to God like, "I can't fucking take this! Help please Father!"
or
B) A person who judges "person A" because they express their honesty that way.
"Wickedness" goes a lot further than "don't drink, smoke, or chew, or go with girls who do".
Ezekiel 23:20
20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
Not sure if you'll find that in many devotionals these days.
;)
Man, bro, "I've expressed the same thing to Him a few times, in the exact same manner, and got a hug from Him in response. It's what draws me back to Him. If I can't be that honest with Him, then who can I be that way with? He welcomes it. He's never shocked." Rock city, bro.
When I think of being honest, I think of the buffont-hairdo, Mrs. Rigidity who sits in church with her perfectly pressed "Sunday best" and gives the look down the nose, or the ol' gaping mouth routine.
Funny how I never get that from God.
That's because God is not about what's going on at the surface. Mankind is. "Man looks at the outside, but God looks at the heart". This is a description of the Body, not people outside the Body, my friend.
And to me that's a BIG part of this unrelatable bullshit going on by "His" people.
They're honing in on what I'm saying, rather than "man, what's gone/going on behind the scenes that is stirring this?"
Their focus is what I'm saying, not the why behind why I'm saying it.
And they don't give a shit about the "why". They don't ask ANY questions about the "why".
Their sole concern is acceptable behavior and acceptable words, not gut honesty. ("Acceptable" as defined by who? God doesn't give me any business for it.)
Then their "encouragement" is, let's be honest, geared at "focusing on Christ", which again let's be honest, is a Mr. Rogers' way to say quit saying the honest words I'm saying to paint a transparent picture of what's really and truly going on.
There is no honesty in church. We'd no more run into the Ezekiel donkey-schlong verse in church than we would a church or small group which wouldn't blink an eye when I say "I hate this MF'ing existence".
One of my staple verses since last November is "you were bought at a price, therefore do not become slaves to men".
Church is about slavery, bro. It's become this socialized institution with norms, parameters, codes of conduct, etc.
None of that shit exists when I'm in God's presence. Rather He is compassion, listens, pours His salve over me as I spew out the venom full-throttle.
I ain't missing out on shit when the Body tries to pull the wool over my eyes to join in their acceptability games, and/or do their humanistic psychoanalysis that they throw in the name of Jesus to make it sound like it's of God.
"Maybe you haven't given this one hundred percent over to the Lord." Um, yes, I have.
"you just need to focus on Christ." Well no fucking shit, you bloomin' idiot! Amidst all this mind-numbing pain I'm not burying the pain through the bottom of a bottle or through the doors of a brothel. I'm not in jail, not in the grave. I'm taking my bludgeoned heart to God and saying "this is the most horrific piece of mush I've ever seen, and it's mine. Will You help me?" And you would dare to suggest otherwise? Got it, you're paralyzed by a few Scriptures which keep you from being honest with God about whatever is going on behind your Ward Cleaver smile. I'm free, friend. Come taste and see that the Lord is good. Kick that codified living's ass out the door! Come on, I dare ya. Open up. Be real with God. Say what you really wish to say. God's down with that. Get "down with the sickness". LOL
I am going to find someone who does calligraphy here in the area, and have them put that Ezekiel verse on a dainty little pastel-colored paper with flowers and cherubims or maybe a cross in the background (like you'd find in a Christian bookstore, right?)
Then hang that sucker where it's the first thing people see when they walk in my place.
heh-heh, I said "hang", heh-heh
Thanks for stopping by, bro.
Thank for you for sharing a part of yourself and being so honest. It's freeing. Seriously man.
On a side note, I've been real encouraged by the transparency here. I know it's why I keep coming back to visit!
Peace J330...
there is nothing like freedom.
Not as the world thinks of it, rather an unworldly freedom that this world, this country and churches know NOTHING about.
None of them are about freedom any more than the man in the moon.
may He prick us all a LOT more,
J330
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