new church names II

The Sin Management Church

Sin Management churches are the breeding ground for should’s and shouldn’ts lists, even though the “do this, don’t do that” Law was supposed to have been replaced by the New Testament.

Be forewarned, there are innumerable invisible shackles awaiting you in Sin Management churches. You’ll get the “love treatment” when you first go there, but sometime (probably within a year) the “loving” suggestions of how you are to behave, act, respond, talk and live become velvet-laden expectations.

You’re supposed to become what they expect you to be, and they will be more willing to help you, via programs and groups of people who are already what you are supposed to be.

But wait. In addition to the invisible shackles, you need to know about the gold-plated shackles and suffocating weights which also await you.

The marketing of these life-binding and life-sucking prison items is very slick.

They are marketed to you as ways to “strengthen your walk with Christ”, “empower you in Christ”, “minister to your life needs”, give you a way to “plug in”, “get connected” and/or “serve”.

This is probably why you honestly came to church in the first place, but understand the word “marketing” is often just another word for lying. And churches market just as fervently as the world does. In some cases moreso.

Some of these church marketing options offered to “strengthen you in Christ” are: accountability groups (aka “A-Teams”), cell/small groups, men’s prayer breakfast, women’s ministry…the list is extensive.

Suggestive, overt and implied pressures await, to at first suggest then later tell you how to behave, act, talk and be as a “Christian”.

This is dangerous stuff, and can be amplified if you didn’t grow up as Joe or Suzy Goody-Twoshoes. You’ll get exploited by following their lead, then when your heart begins to stir (and you have legitimate questions about the Kool Aid you drank) the scales will fall from your eyes and you’ll see the shackles.

Another interesting aspect of Sin Management churches is their whole premise of living.

SM churches seem to be as/more focused on guarding, avoiding, eliminating, censoring and managing than they are about living.

A good portion of their time and mental energy is preoccupied as to what Christians should not be doing rather than what to be doing.

What words are in a person’s vocabulary, what types of movies are acceptable for a Christian to see, what types of books should(n’t) be read, etc. It’s ridiculous.

I ran across a message board recently which had over 80 posts revolving around the appropiateness of Christians using the word “suck”.

I also know people who have been told they are going to hell because they smoke cigarettes.

Yeah, these are two great examples of Sin Management bullshit.

Said with a smile on their face, you are to come under the 8000 pounds of pressure being exerted by their reddened thumb…in the loving name of Jesus, of course.

Buyer beware.


The We're Scriptural Church

The bible is a good book. It’s a starting point. Unfortunately, it’s seen as the end-all by a good number of folks.

They center their entire life around “being scriptural” or “living scripturally”. There is often an air of pride when they talk about their lives “lining up with Scripture”.

The caveat to this is life extends way beyond scripture. I have heard of people and churches who say “I will speak where the Bible speaks, and be silent where the Bible is silent.”

Good. That means the rest of us can live and be about God’s business without hesitating to step because we first have to go see what the bible says about it.

When Jesus sent disciples out to publish the Kingdom, how “scriptural” did He tell them to be? How “scriptural” was Philip when he spoke with the Ethiopian treasurer? How do you scripturally go about buying a car, you scripture-abiding Christians?

This is not dissing the bible. There’s good stuff in it. It’s rather the observation embracing or following bible writings is but one part of following Jesus. You won’t hear anything about the other aspects at a We’re Scriptural church, and it’s not a very good or competent position to be in when life extends beyond the limited bounds of scripture.


The Take A Stand Church

This is really a strange strain of church to come along in the last twenty years. Folks at these churches have retracted to the disposition of the crusaders centuries ago.

For some reason they believe Christians are to slug it out with others. Since murdering and genocide are not kosher or as get-away-withable as in the days of the crusades, today's crusaders are reduced to engage in a war of words. And boy do they.

They are dripping-faucet debaters, wasting time antagonizing those not of their belief set. They commonly embrace an in-yo-face, oh-yeah-? disposition when tangling in fruitless arguments over topics they think make a heap of dung to God (but do not).

They think they are earning medals and crown jewels by how well they "defend the faith". Ironically, defending the faith is not mentioned anywhere in the bible.

It's really interesting, likewise, that Jesus is not about defending anything either. The gospels are not filled with debate transcripts. They're filled with stories of Jesus healing the sick and driving out evil spirits. Funny how the very things He does is what He commissions Followers to do.

Don't be deceived by these who think the Gospel subsists of words, debates and arguments.


The Integrity Church

The Love Church

Praise & Worship IS the Gospel Church

The CNN/USA Today/Microwave Church

The Mercy Church

The Answer Church

The Hip/Relevant Church

The Jesus Elixir Church

The Principle/Code Church

The Gerber Church

And last, but not least, as if you had any doubt...

The Cussing Church