some more gnawing

In the midst of these various shreddings going on, through which God is showing crevices I didn't even know existed in my heart (but which He apparently wishes to bring to light), some sober thoughts came to mind:

• if God did not even spare His own son Jesus in order to perfect him, how is it we would think we can become matured and perfected any other way?

The heart of the matter is today's Body has no ambition with regard to maturing. Let's look at the Church and see what it thinks matures us as Followers: theoretical and scientific dissection of the Book, and praise & worship. Neither one of these according to God, has anything to do with growth. They might be enjoyable in some regards, but they no more mature us than the man in the moon.

• sometimes in this Father seems to be penning akin to Job. Sometimes akin to Jesus. Sometimes Abraham. Sometimes Moses. Sometimes David. The Way is not theory, friends. This Way does not consist of nostalgically appreciating and heralding people of old who endured extreme hardship, faced bleakness, were ripped from stem to stern and yet God was with them. if you are a Follower, God calls you into the arena. He calls me into the arena. Faith lived is very very ugly, yet faith in today's Body is earmarked as this sweet, buttercup-type thing that makes everyone swoon and croon. Is this not how it is portrayed?

Faith played out is very ugly. Very very painful, often taking us to the brink of hell, human emotion and insanity. It is very unbecoming. More plainly, faith actually taking place will rip and shred you. It is not enjoyable or positive in the slightest regard.

But the Body wants no part of real faith. Real faith is ugly. Real faith has no part in the positive marketing paradigm that every church is branding. And that is just sad. The Way is portrayed as this utterly enjoyable, blessed existence in which God spends every ounce of His energy thinking of new ways to be nice to us, give us preferential treatment and make every thing we touch turn to gold.

Tell you what. Go ahead and believe that. Cuddle up in the Praise/Blessing/Victory Room and don't ever come out. The rest of us lament that by this you are having your baby bottle surgically and permanently attached to your lips. Go ahead. Run from the growing up that God would have for you.

This reminds me of a friend of mine, God bless his little heart. In the last year and a half God has penned some serious shit in his life, designed to prod this friend into a much deeper albeit extremely painful place. What has this guy done? Taken it like a man? Taken it on the chin and gone deeper? No way. He has tucked tail and run as fast and far as he possibly can away from it all.

This has crushed me and frustrated me. I see God trying to bring this friend to follow Jesus, to embrace the Via Dolorosa, and he'll none of it.

One of the most frustrating things about this is the havoc and searing pain in this friend's life is answered prayer, yet he doesn't even realize it.

He doesn't realize that what he prayed for was for a snippet from Philippians to come to bear: "that I may know Jesus, that I may come to know the power outflowing from his resurrection and that I may share in his sufferings as to be continually transformed into his likeness, even to his death".

My friend prayed for that...but doesn't know it. He saw firsthand some powerful things that were going on with me in the midst of suffering and he told God "I want power like that in my life". God says "okay" and began to sear him. All he's done since then is tuck tail and ask God to please go back to being nice to him. He's openly admitted to me (on more than one occasion) the pain of what's going on's entirely too much to bear, and further admitted he's hidden himself in video games and romantic relationships to try and get away from the pain. Pain that God has scripted, bidding him to grow up and come to know the power he thought he expressed to see.

But that brings to light an interesting point. My friend is not alone. The truth is millions of people who embrace the Way have no desire whatsoever to actually, literally and legitimately become like Jesus. People all over the place are expressing hunger to become like Him. God hears this. Yet when He begins to pen things that will spur people to (gulp) actually get on the road to becoming like Jesus they tuck tail, run, and cry out to God about how strongly they're being attacked and will He please reprieve them.

And God's saying "Um, you asked for this. You asked to become like Jesus and I'm obliging."

"But no, Father. I'm your child. I'm supposed to have VICTORY in all that I do, and this just doesn't fit the bill. Um, will You just go back to being nice to me?"

This conversation doesn't actually take place because many are laser-locked on a false paradigm. They don't realize when they ask to grow, ask to become like Jesus that God responds with...suffering.

Do we not get it? Do we not very plainly and openly read in the book that growth is spurred by hardship? We do, but we go into heavy denial of this because the paradigm of the Church does not (let's be honest here) line up with what God says very plainly about growth and about becoming like Jesus.

The Way is not about glitz, glammer, SUVs and slick-looking suits. The real Way will take you to the brink of human existence. Pulpits won't say this because they are too dependent on people to pay building mortgages and staff salaries.

I'm offering up a dare, friend. I dare you to tell Father that you wish to become like Jesus. That sounds silly, doesn't it, because you've already asked Him this and are in process of this taking place, right?

Well here's the deal. Do the same thing, only this time add two words to the end of the request. The two words are "Your way". Or for those of you who are a little more anal retentive, feel free to clarify it a bit more. "Father, I want to become like Jesus, Your way. Not as I've been taught and told by the Church, but rather Your way."

Fair warning here. Should you dare, it is advisable you strap on a helmet and clench your butt cheeks. Cause if you mean it you're about to taste something vastly different than what you've been told your entire Christian life. That verse you've often quoted, "God's ways are not man's ways"? Tell Father you desire Christianity His way.

Don't be like my friend and tuck tail. When the shit begins to hit the fan, don't go decreeing it "an attack" or go hide up in things like my friend has.

If you're going to go through with telling God you wish Him to do something, let Him do it. I assure you it is not going to be pretty. It's going to be ugly and it's going to lance you like you have never fathomed.

But it's worth it.