Here's another largely accepted line that is embraced and cooed over by much of the Body:
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
This is par for the weak, feeble, shallow course.
Saw this on a church marquee about five months ago.
I don't think I've ever come across one single person who didn't smile, nod or glibly affirm this statement.
And here's the question.
I can understand that comment when life gives you lemons.
But what is your comment when life deals out pig diarrhea or goat vomit?
Tick, tick, tick.
Buehler?
Buehler?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
You largely have no answer, body of Christ. You just want to stay on the skim surface of life.
You try and paste this cutesy little phrase onto everything, literally, and the Truth is you have no effen clue what to do when people experience train-wreck emotions in life.
In the past year and a half, with shit compounding nonstop, you, Body, have wanted to just skim the surface with me and blindly thought (hoped?) that your little hollow little cliches would have any value.
Well, they have had value. Negative value of the piss off variety, leading me to go to God and say "these folks claim Your name, so why are they so blind and clueless in terms of their 'ministry'?"
You think that just because you inscribe the name of Jesus on the band-aids you run around putting on people's wounds that that's going to have some kind of Jesus-based magic fairy dust effect.
Please do me a favor.
Leave the name of Jesus out of what you are doing. And leave Scripture out too.
Cause what you are doing takes the Lord's name in vain more than my language.
The word vain means empty. And your hollow cackling is empty. My expressions are raw, honest emotions from within--the reality that the life of a follower of Jesus is not peaches and cream.
I don't give a rat's ass about your eyes bulging out and your jaw gaping when you hear the adjectives and expressions that come from within my heart. I'm letting the impurities rise to the surface--not veiling them in some societally or church-induced etiquette.
You see, I have decided to be a transparent follower of Jesus. And when you blurb out your "out of the heart the mouth speaks" scriptures about my language, you are just scratching the surface of truth.
The only thing you are able to recognize from that is that there is something going on with me.
And that's as far as you can go.
What you can't put your finger on, what you simply know is "something", is called poison.
There is poison in my heart.
And you have no clue, Body, what to do with this.
My transparency about the poison makes you uncomfortable.
You're more concerned with my choice of adjectives than you are with the anguish and the shit I'm enduring in this farce called life.
And so in these moments of discomfort you kneejerk.
When the kneejerk happens, out come the cliches, platitudes and scriptures.
Out comes your lemonade comment, that infinite pearl of effing wisdom.
For a long time I made the mistake of remaining in contact with local wounders of the heart.
I was stupid enough to think "maybe they'll come around, maybe they'll get it".
Survey says?
Ehhhh!!
One friend, who is an exception to this circus ministry, has a theory about what's going on.
He says "you know, I think there is a religious spirit that follows you around, and he hops on whoever it is you're talking to."
I think he's right. As time goes on, man do I think he's dead on about this.
Cause I have no problem telling a demon to fuck off, and that's exactly what I've felt like saying time and time and time again.
That and I've also thought of saying "you're joking, right? You can't be serious. I mean, you're a Christian for Christ's sake, and THAT is what you have to say?"
Maybe I should stop being so "nice" to people, and be transparent not only about what is going on in "life" but also about the glaring and excruciating shallowness of most of the Body.
I've resigned that any noticeable percentage of the Body is going to learn how to deal with real life issues of those around them who hurt.
I will be the guinea pig of blind stabs in the dark no more.
7 comments:
Jill Coan said...
I have been one of those lemonade Christians. And I will tell you that when the vomit comes out of people, I have run. Lemons are much more lovely than vomit. I have thought about this a lot. And although I do not necessarily enjoy the vomit, I love you. I do cringe when I hear certain words or phrases from someones mouth - yes, including you precious. With you it has been easy to stand there and wipe your brow and hand you a drink of water. Of course, I am eager for the vomiting to stop, but it does not negate my love for you.
Perhaps what the church at large is missing mostly is LOVE. Because when you really love someone, you give little regard to what is coming out. You are able to see past that to the heart. What, I believe, many Christians do is love from their own flesh (which is of little value). Their love is as shallow as their relationship with Christ. They have a written script that they read when they meet a vomiter. It is words that sound good to them and sound loving. They throw them out with good intentions but they are clanging cymbals to the recipients. I am sure that I have at some point given you a hollow cliche, however, I sense that you have looked past that and heard my heart.
I pray that God will continue to put people in your life, like Steve, who are exceptions to the "circus ministry". God has taught me much through walking this out with you. I am sure that I am not walking beside you perfectly. There are times I have to leave the room because it is too much, but my heart is there. It never leaves. You are precious to me. I know the man before the vomiting started. He is a treasure.
I have been really apathetic lately. My husband cried at a very emotional scene in a movie and I didn't and I felt really funny about that. But I read your post today and I really grieved for you my brother. I am so, so sorry. i don't know what you are going through, but I have been dealt a fair share of pig diarrhea. The only thing you can do is pray for God to put a seed in your hand and to cover that seed in the pi diarrhea and let it grow into a new wisdom you could not have otherwise acquired. I knw you would prefer to avoid learning about God through pain, but that is the best we can do.
I had a really bad childhood, a painful early marriage and I struggle with some biological imbalances that make living my everyday life very hard for me. But I have gained a strength from all this and the understanding, I could not otherwise have had. Like that blind man who was blind his whole life. Someone had to suffer being blind so that God could give him sight and show the world his power. Did it suck to be blind his whole freaking life, yeah probably. But someone needed to be the blind guy. Sometimes I have wondered at the "goodness" of God. So, ok he's not the author of evil...well then what the heck? But I have to beleive that all things work to the good of those who serve him or I'll just crawl into a hole and die. All of the shit I have been through has to be FOR something just to make it bearable.
Lots of people seem really spiritual...but if they don't know love and they don't greive for you...maybe they don't know him. I don't mean that to sound judgemental. Half the time I wonder if I know him. But, the grief I feel for you...it doesn't come from me. I know because I feel mostly apathy lately. He is the great interruptor of "me" as he should be.
But, one thing I will say I have learned about you is that you see through people and their bullshit pretty clearly. Why even bark up that tree? You know you are going to get lemons dropped on your head.
Maybe there are better trees. I say maybe because I SUSPECT this...I hope this. I still hope this. You have been part of that hope getting a little stronger. I think there are many who were asleep, who are becoming awake.
I pray that whetever you are going through that you be enveloped by God's spirit and the you be imbued with the strength of Christ to endure and that the holy spirit spread itself across your heart as a sheild from bitterness. I pray that God will surround you with people who have the good sense to know what you need and how to shut the heck up an grieve with someone in pain. I pray that you find the hope to beleive for that again. You shouldn't have to come up so thoroughly disappointed. It is criminal that amidst a deep trial, you feel this sense of abandonnment. Jesus cursed the fig tree....you just remember what happened to it those of you who would walk swiftly past a man broken and robbed on the side of the road.
I am just really sorry that you have to feel this way.
people, I just want to say, Is it so freaking hard to shed a tear for some one else? You cry over a stupid movie, can't you spare a second to grieve with a brother?
I have to admit, sometimes I worry that you have allowed yourself to get too bitter. But today, I just really SAW how it must be for you and angered me that you have to feel this way. You wouldn't bother writing through this if you had no hope at all and that is good. He has your back man. You are in my prayers
Jill, nothing you have ever said has ever remotely hinted as cliche-ish, because I know and hear your heart. Same goes for Steve “McConaughey” (heh heh).
I remember a few months ago we were all in Steve's office, you expressed something and the thought that came to mind was "Is even God himself THIS compassionate?"
That's how genuine and deep your compassion is. And I think you hit it exactly, a lot of folks' love stems from the flesh--and they don't even realize it.
I have met many people who mean well, but when life goes from surface to train-wreck, they get the deer in the headlights look (but think they’re “going deep”).
I have found this out the hard way many times over the past eighteen months, one of which a few months ago, when I opened up the transparency throttle, to express some raw anguish in a church small group.
The "unacceptable" vibe filled that room so fast it made my head spin.
In my mind I thought "wow, I thought this was a place where people could be gut honest, but apparently not."
Contrast that with the extremely few who see beyond the surface and love from beyond the flesh, and it is some rarified air.
Air that should be commonplace among followers of Jesus.
It's the air that gets lip service from the Body at large.
It's what Jesus speaks of when He says "I have water to drink of which you know nothing about".
Wouldn't it be something if people actually tapped into the Water they claim to have tapped into?
I think that's part of the problem, though. People think when Jesus talks about living Water that it means it's purified, ionized, crystal looking and tasting.
Life is to become euphoric, they errantly conclude, and there is to be no more vomit ever. Because boy I'll tell you what, once Jesus “touches” someone they are forever untarnished and bulletproof til that chariot swings low, right?
And thus the entrancement with the brick and mortar cocoons takes place.
Anyway...
Wrapping it back to the beginning of the reply, I think God gets His concept of compassion from observing you.
bluesbaby, thank you for your words. Your compassion shows strongly through them.
I know a little bit of your story, from your comments on this blog and your posts on your blog, and I know your compassion stems from your own stings along the way.
And how few people wish to talk about stings...past or present.
That's why I enjoy your blog so much, and your comments when you drop by here.
You simply write what is going on in your heart, mind and life.
No fluff. No cliches. Rather it's simply honesty, joy, doubts, snippets, uncertainties about your life as a follower of Jesus.
No mask. No pretention.
Just heart, and truth.
There are several things going on that are stacking the cards against transparency. More on that to come.
Thanks again, bb.
Your heart transcends the miles.
Wow. Those are humbling words. Thank you. Love you, brother.
Jill
Truth showed up again.
Man, I just want you to know I feel for you. Lately, some things in my life seem to be spiraling down. It's like an emotional roller coaster, where one day I'm up on the top of the hill, the next I'm dropping down at 100 miles per hour. It really sucks the life out of you. And to try to get control of the situation is like trying to not let the ground get wet in a rainstorm by catching all the raindrops with a paper cup. Sometimes my heart feels like it's gonna cave in and I just want to shout, "Fuck all of this." But in that moment when I'm stumbling in the dark, when I'm gasping for breath, when I can't remember any Bible verse to comfort me, when I can't remember step # 5 in the 10 steps to get better, the only thing that is in my mind is the name Jesus. Sometimes it makes me feel better, sometimes I still feel like shit, but He is there. And His presence is so real. Jesus. Truth. Comforter. Man of Sorrows. And I know that you know Him well too, my friend.
I'm going through a real shitty time right now. I can't give you any words of advice or anything like that, I just wanted to let you have a brother here in NJ who's sharing in the brokenness. May His love pour out on you.
S-E, my tall friend and bro, thanks for stopping by, and for your sober "I'm with ya".
I know from your comments and your blog, that you go through shit too.
It sucks. It hurts. It rips.
You analogied yours to a roller coaster.
I liken mine to getting pummeled in the face non-stop with the brass knuckles of circumstances.
I keep getting told "look to the Cross", but how do I when my eyes are stinging from the saltiness of the blood and from the bacteria of the shit engulfing my face?
It's more like I'm doubled over from the stinging and saying "Jesus, can you hand me a towel" as I grasp and grope blindly around in thin air.
And He does provide a towel, and the blood and shit are wiped out. Then the whole cycle starts over again with more pummeling.
The compassion in me hates that it's a roller coaster for you, man.
And yet we both know there's so much more to the Way than bliss, than blessing. That's a foreign tune to the sea of itching ears.
Crazily, it's about becoming like Jesus, which, if we absorb what God says about the Way (instead of listen to most sermons and books out today, which I know you do), is to share in Jesus' sufferings, and to become like Him-- even to the point of death.
I know from your writings you are sometimes (often? frequently?) being poured out like a drink offering in various ways.
That's the Gospel, man. Death and rebirth.
Death to an attitude. Death to a habit. Death to a response. Death to a way that...leads to death.
The Body is so focused on attainment and acquiring, yet Jesus bids us divest and lose. Lose this life.
And losing this life hurts. It stings. Bad.
It's what we've known. It's what we've been comfy with. It's what's "gotten us to this point". It's what America is ramming down our throats.
As much as it sucks ass, I'm glad it's happening in and with you.
It means, and this is not a cliche and it's not in the way most of Christianity says it, you are in the arena of the real gospel of Jesus.
It means God trusts you deeply, dude.
He knows you aren't one who has to be baby-caked and diapered.
He can get on with authoring you to become like Jesus, and know that you'll fall harder into Him as the painful molding takes place.
He can open the throttles on the burners of your testing wider, and He knows it won't cause you to fall away. He knows the trials will cause you to lean in closer--rather than tell Him to take a hike.
Through this He has freedom with you, bro.
Kids don't need the coddling and cooing that babies appear to need in order to grow.
God savors trusting you. He can trust you, and He does.
And so this shitsky that you're taking on the chin, which leads you to death in something, and a new birth in it via JC, is a good mark of your sonship.
None of this turns the tide or helps or "fixes" the stink of losing our lives for His sake.
One of the things I've thought a lot about the last few days: God has many faces, yet regardless of which of His faces is showing, His heart is good, and can be trusted.
We trust His heart above the shit.
It's just that the shit hurts. Is real. It stinks.
Yet it's part of our story, and our molding.
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